Mope Squad America! Britney Palin

Remember back when all us elitists laughed at how George W. Bush pronounced the word "nuclear"? He was all like "NEW-cue-ler" when it was obviously "NEW-cle-yer" and shit. We all pointed and laughed at how uneducated he was and how much better we were even though he went to super-fucking elitist Yale and Harvard and his dad was the president and his grandfather was a Nazi-dealing U.S. senator. Remember what jerks we were back then? We laughed and derided him for that shit like forever. We were such dicks back in small times.

Well karma's a bitch, huh?

Our snowbilly snowbunny snowback Sarah H.L. Palin does it too. She scrunches up her nose and goes, "NEW-cue-ler" and we're all dumbfounded all over ourselves again. Sheeeeeiiitttt!!! I heard it just last night during her interview with Charles Gibson (or "Chur-leee" as she called him every ten seconds). It's a bad relapse of the 2000 election disaster.

Sarah Palin sounds like Britney Spears if Britney Spears had matriculated from a forth rate state college (Hawaii Pacific College North Idaho College Matanuska-Susitna College University of Idaho). Well, that actually may be more insulting to Britney Spears now that I think on it a bit. You see, Britney Spears has traveled the world, met with heads of state, and actually interacted with diverse peoples. But who am I to criticize? I laughed at George W. Bush and how he mispronounce words. I'm a liberal eastern elitist know-it-all. Now I'm getting the big pay-back from the Jesus hisself.

Before last night I would have guessed that Sarah Palin would have known what the term "Bush Doctrine" meant for crying out loud. I would have placed a modest bet on it. I may never know if Britney Spears knows what the term means, but now I know with all certainty that the Republican vice president candidate does not know. Or, at least she didn't for the interview. Dang. I kind of feel bad how I treated our current president. He's starting to look like fucking Einstein compared to these dunces.

Anyhow, here we are. A snowback playing wingman to an old cancer-patient criminal crank (blah-blah Keating Five blah-blah). So now maybe we can finally have that war with Russia that Ronald Reagan scared us about throughout the entire 80s. The fucking barracuda said so. This ticket reminds me of those stories you read about all the time of old rich widowers hooking up with grifter-chicks half their age who they meet at strip bars and then the old dude's kids have to sue for control of the money and stuff because the old dude is clinically delusional. The GOP slate is so totally J. Howard Marshall it's not even funny anymore.

Eight years--nearly a decade and more than my daughter's entire life--of the Bush/Cheney administration and the very best we U.S. Emerikahnnns can come up with are these four:

• John "No Change" McCain - shitty pilot and ex-war prisoner
  
• Sarah H.L. Palin - admittedly smells of salmon
• Joseph Biden - Delaware mobster widower
  
• Barack Obama - black (well half-black, well-half African, no...just black)
  

That's it? Oh my damn! Shame on us all. Oh wait...which one of these things is not like the others? That one fellow, the articulate and bright and clean one (who's a nice-looking guy), he's not so bad. In fact, he's pretty damn smart. Hella tite, yo! Oh, but he went to Columbia and Harvard. Must be a liberal just like that W character. And he must be a Muslim...with that name and that fist-bump thing he does (they do). [Or "half-breed muslin"]

Question: Why is Barry Oh!® even slummin' around with these half-developed characters? He's just lowering his standards if you ask me. There's your question. From here it looks like good old Barry Oh!® is taking pity on some poor lost souls. He's getting back to his Community Organizer roots and working with the elderly (Pappy McCain) and his drug addled bride (Pill-poppin' Anna Nichole Cindy). He's helping the trailer dwelling methmouth oxyphreaks (Saruh 'n Toddd 4-eveh [clicky]). He's even offering a shoulder for that poor Delaware fellow to bereave upon (Old Sad Joe).

Maybe Barry Oh!® is feeling sorry or guilty or something noble. But I couldn't tell you since I have no idea what is happening anymore. I mean, heck, Palin and Cheney are the only two humans left on earth to blame 9/11 (tm) on Iraq. What the hell people?

Nader was right.