Political Playbook in Play

Looks like the Barry Oh!®/DNC campaign is utilizing certain elements of the Ty-Rich-Dan politics playbook.

New ad campaign is titled, "No Change." Thanks.

Ha! That's the forth piece of "advice" we've provided ("Same Old Policies," stadium acceptance, "No Change") that's been put into national play. Cool. Oh, I guess it's only three (I'll bill for four though). The idea to hold the convention in New Orleans was passed upon, but it woulda been a winner!


March 31 post: [clicky]

Saturday Workshop: 5K

Saturday Workshop: BFF

Saturday Workshop: Virginia Grace (DC)

Saturday Workshop: Hi Ty, This is Ty Talking To You In the Future


Sarah Palin = Dan Quayle

Ha! It's just way too easy and funny. It's like a bear swiping salmon from a stream....

My second thought upon notification, I thought Sarah Palin was pretty much 2008's Dan Quayle. But, that's what Bush One needed to look tough (remember even Reagan called him a wimp); someone who was so weak. And, wow. Old gray-hair dude swings and misses (but he loves beauty queens).

I see others on the interwebs thought so too: [clicky]

Except compared to Quayle, Palin is a lightweight. But, hey, she's hot and this is America where any nearly any rube can vote for the GOPs weakest ticket ever. And this being America, that weak-ass ticket could win. Think: Bush I & II.

At least Romney was a tough-guy (now he's just pissed).

Sarah Palin = Harriet Meiers

Immediately upon notification I thought Sarah Palin was pretty much 2008's Harriet Meiers.

I see others on the interwebs thought so too: [clicky]

Except compared to Meiers, Palin is a lightweight. But, hey, she's hot and this is America where any nearly any rube can vote for the GOPs weakest ticket ever. And this being America, that weak-ass ticket could win. Think: Bush I & II.


Biased Record Review - Fiery Furnaces Remember

Uh, you can probably say that I like the Fiery Furnaces band because I do. I like 'em loads. I've even seen 'em live and in concert in person and such. They were good as hell too. They "rocked."

I think I have most of their records too. Blueberry Boat (introduced and given to me by Mikey R.), Bitter Tea, and Widow City. Oh, I don't have Rehearsing My Choir. That's the one. Like I said, I like what they do a lot. Put it this way, I'd play for them. I'd do it for union scale too. I don't say that about many bands.

So Eleanor and Matt have this new album: Remember. No, I'm not asking you to remember anything--it's not a question, that's the name of the record. If one were to give Remember a so-called "letter grade" based on The Expert Reviews, it would be staring at a semester-ending D or maybe a D+. QPG? A "D?!" Fiery Furnaces would have to go to the local community college, sell low grade marijuana, live in a single-wide mobile home, and eat scrapple purchased with bartered food stamps.

But wait!

Whatevers, Remember is perfect. There I said it...for all the internets to read (or the two people who read this nonsense). Fuck off rock reviews! You can't give Remember a letter grade, dumb asses. You measure that deal(io) with a narrative evaluation or a Geiger counter or a BTU or something. Richter scale, perhaps. Meaning, if you're expecting your classic live rock album where it goes, [fade-in] raving cheers--crappy version of pop song--raving cheers [fade-out], you'll be sorely disappointed and grade badly. Remember is a reimagineering in and of itself of what the live record should be. It's a paradigm shift of the live album. So stop it. Didn't Hopey Obama tell us to live in the future?

Buy some headphones ("...good a thing").

It's not like I'm going to hold a convention or run negative ads on the TeeVee to convince you to listen to it. You'll just have to take that leap yourself. I'll just drop this not-subtle clue though: You can't do that on stage anymore.

I Heart Sarah Palin

She's the perfect GOP candidate (or the worst, most desperate pick ever).

And she's hot in that Tina Fey's hottie older sister kind of way.

Hope & Change? Uh, hello? Sarah Palin's hot (and when they win and McCain croaks will be president before Hillary). Ha!

Bottom line: Shit's all fucked up now. American hates blacks, women, and old people. It's a good time to be Joe Biden.

Credit Cards

So when I was in Connecticut I went to the pet store with my friend and her credit card was declined for like a $50 purchase. She was pissed. Not just that the card was declined--an embarrassing transaction--but that it was the second time it had happened. At that store. Somehow "pet owner" was not in her computerized profile and the card carrier killed it for that purchase. You know, because she was going to rip off a credit card company for a leash and a collar. Oh, she's only owned purebred German shepherds and horses for her entire adult life. She's 40. Her balance on her $15,000 limit account? Like thirty bucks.

Pissed! She was so pissed. She called the card company right there outside of the pet store. She was all, "So is this how it's going to work with you [mopes]? You're going to decline every purchase and I'm going to have to call you from the store to justify each purchase? I don't think so!" She bitched them a new one, albeit very professionally (I would have been a huge dick). She threatened to close her account and everything (I would have closed it). Then she did something so huge, I only wish I could remember it if it ever happens to me. With the card representative (supervisor probably in India--my friend kept saying, "I don't understand what you're saying") on the phone she walked back into the store and bought like a dollar-twenty dog treat with that card to ensure it went through and, of course, to save some face from the humiliation of having a card declined. Pissed! I, on the other hand, would have one-upped her and after the $1.20 purchased would have closed the account right there. Fuck you, credit card company. Mark would have gone apeshit (much worse than with Verizon)!


This morning I was doing some writing and listening to loud headphone music when I noticed there was an extra voice coming into my head. Oh, the answering machine was saying something. Citibank on the phone.

The nice CitiCard representative (American--I understood every word) was calling from the Card Security Department or some shit. Turns out, my Diamond Preferred Rewards card has been "compromised!" Wow! Compromised! That's never happened to me before. I was so excited. She listed a few purchases and I confirmed them (Starbucks, Metro, pharmacy). Then, even after my confirmations, she said my number has been canceled and that new cards were on the way.

That's so cool!

I couldn't get her to tell me why my number had been canceled. She wouldn't tell me how my card had been compromised and what purchases had triggered security. But, she's sending my new cards and a statement where I can verify and decline purchases from yesterday. Dang, I should've purchased a fucking car or gone nuts at the Apple store or something. I'm so interested in what my thieves and hackers bought. I bet the cads won't even send me a thank you card. Asshole thieves and hackers or whatever!

The customer service with Citi has always been great. The only hitch was she was all, "...your new cards should arrive in 7-10 days." Ha-ha. No! I was like, "Listen, that's not gonna work. I don't make cash transactions. I use this card. If you're killing this number I need a new card now." She's overnighting 'em. Thanks!

Best is that I was just about to call Citi to get my card replaced. It's all worn out and kinda dirty. Here's what really cool. The old Diamond Preferred Rewards (the one I have) is a reflective-mirror silver kind of special. The new ones are black with like a gridiron pattern or something kind of special. Tough and masculine and black like Barack Obama. Kind of like the AMEX black deal.

Funny this just happened since I just read a fascinating piece in the newest New Yorker [Sept. 1 issue]. The piece--which is not online--appears under, "Annals of Retail" and is titled, "Stop Thief! Shoplifter Beware." Good stuff about roving bands or organized shoplifters and credit card larcenists and the huge corporate and consulting world of counter shrink. Good shit. Just read it yesterday. Much recommended.

Finally, Rain

Sucker for wet flora

I Don't Know What This is Supposed to Be (7)

Dispatch from Big Dave Wave in Afghanistan

Dave's in Hell, Post One
Day 10
Herat, Afghanistan.

Hey Ty. What's up, Mope?

The weather's been beautiful the past few days. Mild, not too dry (well, if you consider 34 Celsius to be mild). Going up to 38 this weekend. Okay, dry as hell, dude. Help me!

Today we all gathered around the satellite radio to listen to O'Biden's big speech. Boy were there big cheers when we heard that line about McCain not following Bin Laden in to his cave.

The days are long, the nights longer. But there's always the hope that tomorrow will bring victory, and Sarge says the company that roots that bastard out of his cave first gets five nights leave in Dubai.

Well, gotta go, the battery is dying on my iPhone. We're en route to Jalalkot tonight.

God Bless America.


Mope Squad America!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.


The Speech


United Sates of Obama.

Was he wearing boots to kick so much ass?

The dude is smooth. The dude is fearless. He's no Gore. He's no Kerry. He's no Dukakis. He's no Walter Mondale. He may even be badder-ass than Clinton. The dude is...just the dude!

I can see John "No Change" McCain in my mind all wearing in his boxer shorts and wife-beater undershirt watching his little black and white TeeVee with his little tyrannosaurus arms shaking and muttering how "that darkie's gonna get it" while flipping off the TeeVee with a crooked, rigid, and tiny middle finger. Cindy all drinking gin and tonics in the corner, not giving one shit like Teresa Heintz.


Open for Productivity Season

My old homie, Nathan of Portland, Oregon asked me "What's up bro? What kind of art are you into [now]?" I realized I forgot my rehearsed and polished answer that Lily and Rich taught me. I said something lame I'm sure. But it gets me back into the appropriate mindset for the downhill ride to the winter dark. Always the most productive time of the year.

So where'd we leave off before our luxurious summer break?

Oh yeah, some nonsense about publishing all photos in sequence (that was a desperate proposition of a dare which was bound to fail, but 13 days was better than we predicted). Also, we left off mid-month with the idea publishing to a schedule. That may or may not still take. We'll see. And there was some wacky talk about political conventions and other lame ass stuff.

We killed "Always Awkward" and opened "Mope Squad" (so much to say there). We joined Facebook to mixed reviews and purely self-serving motivations. And apparently I started calling myself "we" for some weird damn reason. WTF? We am stupid.

Sistine lost her hard drive and over a year's work. Back that shit up, people! But she continues to amaze me with her photographs. The B went back to school and Cass will too.

Rich continues to poke, prod, and challenge me to make better work. And Big Dave Wave has shipped off to Afghanistan for another tour of duty. Hat's off to you, brave warrior. America honors you.

I have no idea where Mark disappeared to and Lily is Lily (which is good. Really. I'm serious!).

I'm six and a half minutes into a new audio piece called, for now, "Security Theater." It's complicated (read into that what you want). I posted a couple of pictures of stuff (like mushrooms). And I have two major photo projects I've played around with that I'd like to execute:
Father of The Year
Signs of the Times
Problem is I need PA support for each of those, so we'll see how far we get. I'm confident that progress will be made even though I have not one penny to pay a PA.

The Olympics were cool as hell. My dead uncle fucking LOVED the Olympics. All of it. There wasn't an event he wasn't 100% devoted to in the entire games. Hammer throw? All over it. Track bicycling? Hell yes! He even clearly divided the Olympic events into two neat categories: The White Olympics and the Black Olympics. In fact, the Olympics were so cool that the B insists we go to London in 2012 (even though China will take them back and Jerry Hsu will have to save us from our Martian doom). It's a go.

Other than that it's a been all sitting around eating caramel popcorn.

We'll see where this goes.

Otis Beal Kent and His Foibles

The Life Rule


Somebody's Filipino OG Grandpa

Or an image found a the Alameda Drive-In Swap Meet. One of the two. If only I could be so sharp.

Untitled (something about trains &/or arrows)

Tasty Treats Located in One's Own Home, Part I

Rich Took A Picture for Me...

...and I made two edits for him.

Mope Squad America!

Michelle Obama "nailed it."

Hillary Clinton "hit it out of the park."

Joe Biden wept.

Mark Warner implored.


I remember when I was a child and certain things just seemed to be important. I can now see that some things were actually important, or at least what I would now call interesting adult filters. But most events weren't important or interesting and could have never happened and we would still exist as a species. Perhaps it was the grandeur of certain things that made them appear to be important. Children, even myself, are quite naive I suppose.
  • The '72 Olympics were interesting. Important? Sure, I'll give '72 that.
  • Watergate was interesting and it turned out to be kind of important.
  • High school graduations are not important or interesting.
  • College graduations smell of importance but are generally uninteresting.
  • Funerals are interesting but really unimportant.
  • Weddings are neither. OK, some weddings can be interesting.
  • Although grand, Miss America pageants are neither important nor interesting.
  • Rock festivals can be interesting but they are never important (sorry Cal Jam II).
  • Reagan getting shot was interesting and important.
  • Space Shuttle blowing up was wildly interesting but not really that important.
  • The World Series can be interesting but is never important.
  • The Superbowl is never interesting or important (NFL playoffs are important and interesting though).
  • The NBA Finals were important when I was like 16-years-old.
  • Sex is really important and usually quite interesting.
  • Most music is interesting. Some music is important.
  • Presidential conventions....
Political conventions. Oy! Let me say this here and now: Presidential conventions are lame as hell, dude. They are, sticking to topic, hugely uninteresting and ultimately they are not very important. The Democratic National Convention 2008 is not the exception. Sorry. Historic? Whatever. Same old bullshit if you ask me. Hot air 'n lies inside. Police beat-downs outside. God bless America! Every time I tune in on the TeeVee and see this garbage I want to die. Seriously.

If you think this shit is interesting or important, you're fooling yourself. In this day and age the conventions are just hell-pits of precision-scripted pretense, fantasy, and light shows. The Teleprompter reading is worse than that at the Academy Awards. If the Pepsi Center was a person for five days it would be...uh, it would be...Joe Biden, in fact. What did my wife call the conventions, oh yeah, "A veritable parade of has-beens and wannabes." (Damn if I wish I had thought of that line; I added "veritable" to one-up the line and to show how smart I am since "veritable" is often used to emphasize the aptness of a metaphor). Federico Pena? Wow! Hurray for sucking up to the Hispanic-Latino demographic. Hurray for Federico Pena!

I mean people--after 16 months of campaigning--still need to be convinced whom to vote for? Really? Am I so mentally ill that I actually believe people (no matter what they say) have already and long ago made up their minds? Couldn't the nomination part be accomplished during a 20-minute video conference call around 11:00 (then break for catered lunch)? The entire "convention" expense could be like $300. But I suppose as residual of our British roots, Americans are suckers for pageantry (Miss America!). The rest of the money could be used for "attack ads." Like I said, people still need to be convinced? Save the ad money too. If the DNC had any sense they'd just give the ad and convention money to voters. Duh!

Oh and this whole contrived talking point storyline invention (presumably introduced into the mix by the GOP) that the convention message is that the Democrats are desperate to frame their message of being unified and are anxious about Obama's experience. Huh? Why has the majority of the press taken this point to print? Oh, because the only entity more delusional than the Democrats is the mainstream info-news-tainment press. I forgot.

Let's see, as far as I remember, there are but two (2) viable political parties in the U.S. America. The Republicans and the Democrats. Right? And as far as I can tell, the two parties have stood pretty far apart on most issues since before I was born. So, I'd call each party "unified." You can vote for one of the unified parties or not.

And Barry's experience? Huh? Where's the bar for experience? It ain't so high. After eight years of the Bush II administration, we even need to discuss experience? Really? Because, dang, from what I can see all the president has to do is be able to salute, ride a mountain bike, and read from prepared text. I guess I'm as dumb an adult as I was a child. Experience? I guess Barry Oh!® should have taken that President of the United States job in college but he didn't want to pad his résumé too much. In retrospect, he should have taken it. Bad move, Barry. Bad move.

What else? Oh, the Hillary people. Were we really expecting a surprise? Hillary Clinton was going to hijack the convention and somehow steal the nomination. People were disappointed that she didn't? Wow. I'm amazed. [Do I sound a bit incredulous? Sorry.] Oh you're going to vote for McCain? Go ahead, this is America. You can vote for your pet hamster if you want.

What would Michelle Obama's message for America be? Who cares! She's not a candidate. Nether was Laura Bush, Teresa Heintz, nor Cindy McCain. They're just pill-popping lady friends with connections and money (OK, I don't think Laura has any money or connections, she's just a lady friend).

Ted Kennedy? Chappaquiddick. There's my immediate and automatic association. Liberal. There's the other. In fact when they were showing that "stirring" video montage of the Kennedys living the rich-folk high-life in walled, exclusive compounds, at black tie parties, and on
yachts all I could think about and all I managed to mutter aloud was, "Man, John, Bobby, and Teddy were major pussy-hounds!"

These amazingly interesting and historically significant political conventions simply do not pass the "so what test." Nobody cares. It makes no difference. Just call it what it is: huge, expensive parties that you and I aren't invited to.

"Wake up, America. Wake up, America. Wake up, America."
- Dennis Kucinich, August 26, 2008

A Trace Crutchfield Bonus: [clicky]
A Harpers Bonus: [clicky]
A Matt Taibbi Bonus: [clicky]


Email to Rich

Here's the email I sent Rich from Connecticut:
On Sun, Aug 17, 2008 at 2:55 PM, ty wrote:

So I just had the most amazing moment of many amazing moments with the B.

In short: We just spent nearly an hour listening to iTunes on shuffle and watching and tweaking the Visualization app.

Just she and I on an overstuffed chair in CT listening to songs and messing with trippy visuals. I think you might understand how this might feel. I'm so touched.

She may never do it again but hell dude it was a magic moment with my child.

We just finished the 10+ minuted "Spiders (Kidsmoke)" when she had to go change for dinner.

Sample banter:

The B: Oh, that's cool.

Ty: Try this.

The B: I like that.

Ty: How 'bout this song.

The B: I like this song. What is it called?

Ty: "Billy Breathes" (then "Bitter Tea" then "Zoloft" then "Back in the U.S.S.R." or whatever).

The B: Is it on my iPod?

Ty: I'll put it on for you.

Waiting for a Ride

A Life Perfected & Capped

Kim Calls it "Leavage"

Opting Up Levels

High noon in middlespaces
trees shaken
leaves fallen

Seeds planted
Guns loaded

Friends and families
Is just in time
for Field Mowing Day


Back to School = Back to Streets

I Don't Know What This is Supposed to Be (6)

Ask Ty...August 26

Q: How was your Vay Cay Sun?

Why did Barack America call Joe Biden the next president of the United States?

- Saty, D.C.

Ty: Good question and an even better observation, Saty.

Ahh, first day of school in the county. It's so good to be back to the grind. Yes, vacation was fine and "dad camp" -- the two weeks between summer camp and the first day of school -- was great. Really. Loved it. But it didn't provide me much space to work. Did I say it was two weeks and change?

Yes, on the August 23rd introduction, Barack "Mopey Hopey" Obama did indeed introduce Joe "Aneurysm Head" Biden as our next president. The slip was as such, " let me introduce to you, the next president — the next vice president of the United States of America: Joe Biden."

What you're missing here is that Joe is not only going to be our next president, but he's going to be our next vice president too. Bush-Cheney does leave us open to the possibility of a dictatorship. I would have believed that Cheney would have just declared himself king by now (and still may) but it appears that Joe will be our next American King.

But, yeah, that's what Barry Oh!® said. Just a slip of the tongue. Means nothing. At all. Right? But then you hear that a couple of dumb-ass Bufords were found in Denver with the hi-powered guns, scopes, bullet-proof vests and an elaborate plot to kill Barack on national TeeVee.... It just makes us more sad and more paranoid and more gripped with the fear that we're somehow still living out the Civil War (for some reason). Kill him because...because he's black? Really? We're still there? [clicky]

So there's a target on Obama's (for some dumb reason) and McCain's like 152-years-old. So, sadly and pathetically, maybe (just maybe) the vice presidency does matter. Not to take away anything from Dick "King of the County" Cheney and Al "Whatevs" Gore, the two most influential and powerful vice presidents, but shit.... Look where we are in America circa 2008. I mean, Nepal has a Maoist Prime Minister...I guess anything can happen.


Just a guess,

Ask Ty... Archive: [clicky]


Closing Ceremonies

OK, just for a minute imagine:
What if amid all the fireworks and spectacle of the Olympic Closing Ceremonies from Beijing, China would have nuked the stadium? Just BLAM-O! All mushroom cloud and everything. Pancaked the stadium and laid waste to all of Beijing. All on the TeeVee for the world to see.

Hello new crazy world superpower. Who would then fuck with China? Huh? Not even crazy-ass president John "No Change" McCain would.

Then, of course, China would take the Olympics back in 2012 and then Jerry Hsu would have to save us all from Martian doom (with his skateboard).
C'mon, I'm just sayin'...

Sunday Worship

I Don't Know What This is Supposed to Be (3)


Some Steps Are First

If Just For The Day

I Don't Know What This is Supposed to Be (4)


Four Things

1. The Best Show on WFMU (August 12th w/the H Man)
2. Yerba Mate (loose leaf, fresh)
3. New Shirt (American Apparel, Silver Spring)
4. Whatevs

To Quote

"Free your mind arrest will follow"


I Don't Know What This Is Supposed to Be 2

Saturday Workshop

Mope Squad America!

Really? Joe Biden, huh? That Joe Biden? Wow. Whatevs.

Eight years of Bush-Cheney and we U.S. Americans get to choose from, so far, three senators? John "No Change" McCain, Barack "Mopey-Hopey" Obama, and Joe "Articulate & Clean" Biden? Who's McCain gonna choose, Larry "Wide Stance" Craig?

The only thing that polls lower than Bush-Cheney is the congress. Thanks a lot, America.

The only thing worse than a one-term senator running for president is his six-term running-mate.

Change you can believe in...sort of.

Joe Biden. Game over, dems.