in five parts
by ty hardaway or julius t. leisure or whatever
by ty hardaway or julius t. leisure or whatever
1. the audio [clicky]
2. the images [clicky]
3. the slideshow [clicky]
4. the video [by BDW, request password]
5. the story [below]
001. web anthropology will be a big field in the near future. piecing together stories and histories from online breadcrumbs.
002. please do not waste my time. i'm a professional. respect the crown.
003. the internet is no longer a technological miracle. it's just another utility; annoying.
004. the soul-wasting inefficiencies are what insults the most.
005. it is a huge mistake to dilute your work into something that can be understood by a wide demographic.
006. admiration and jealousy are lifelong besties, linked forever like the co-joined.
007. i realize, more and more, that there are fewer and fewer scripts i am likely to follow or hoops through which i will jump.
008. every interaction involves powerful dynamics.
009. my life has always been an ongoing work of art.
010. how does one describe one's demographic? what does that even mean?
011. i stopped having heroes long, long ago. i try not to be other people's heroes.
012. not that i advocate people trying too hard or being fake, but the baseline acceptable level of caring/trying needs to be increased.
013. it is refreshing to be able to interact with the superior. we are few but reliable.
014. people. fascinating. infuriating.
015. people say, "it's your life's work, take your time." i don't know when i'm going to die.
016. you were expecting a story. oh, here goes:
017. [but if i tell you a story, the set can only be sold/hung together]
018. story time: a boy was born in the big city. he was poor. he was special. his life was as easy as it was difficult.
019. each time the boy—after agonizing consideration—found his purpose, he discovered that he had only found yet another clue to his actual purpose.
020. as much as the boy craved purpose, he eschewed it. he had demons that didn't get along so well. this was hard.
021. this sometimes gets kind of scary.
022. king daddy leisure of middlespace.
023. how do we self-assess whether we are good or bad?
024. what i miss the most about office life is the incredible performances it underwrote.
025. abandonment, or the fear thereof, has largely shaped my worldview.
026. it's not that i think right about things, but i do put some thought into the opinions i hold.
027. i am as happy i didn't go to art school as i regret not going to art school.
028. she had tattoos atop each of her feet. a tropical frog and some circular symbol.
029. people want to know things, right?
030. i will work myself out of this.
031. i will attempt to follow my own advice.
033. when i give it all away is when, invariably, i need just a little taste.
034. as wonderful as some transitions can be, good or bad, there is pain to weather.
035. happiness doesn't come easily or naturally.
036. sometimes i just do not care.
037. people need to do much more me.
038. what some see as aloof, i experience as pain.
039. all the feeling switches are set to, "on."
040. i probably deserve everything i get.
041. it's ok to give it all away so you have room for new shit.
042. but. i do realize that my strengths are massive.
043. do better.
044. once the motherfucking king, always the motherfucking king.
045. it's me forever.
046. how does it get better.
047. i recognize this pain. and i know its remedy.
048. take a step outside yourself and discover how awesome you are.
049. my need to be alone is at constant war with my fear of being alone.
050. as i tell all my people, keep making things.
051. i can stand a lot in my life but i will never tolerate bullshit.
052. squares. still with these fucking squares.
053. i just saw an amazing sleeper.
054. what would jesus say?
055. there is a blue snowflake stashed in this notebook.
056. it has to be a thing. it has to crush heads.
057. what is the objective?
058. one man show [one man band]
059. standing atop. risen & merged. fragile as eggs. valuable as life.
060. everybody complaining about everything. that is my observation at this time in this life.
061. never before has my iceberg theory been so clearly descriptive of all that is around.
062. yet in moses-parted yellow brick sliver linings life as only miraculous thrives with promise and opportunity.
063. no kingdom lasts forever even this will end and life and earth will renew again.
064. "...this amazing kingdom we have made...this monstrous kingdom. its castles are magic..."
065. a drive out to the river across via ferry to virginia and back eventually to maryland.
066. radio-broadcast baseball windows part way rolled open or closed no hurries no time no fooling no feeling.
067. and all that fake ass shit is so corny anyway.
068. nary a slight missed i have kept and will keep score forever.
069. abandonded. rejected. discarded.
070. if you're not willing to do the serious work you're wasting our time.
071. all we'll ever own is our approach to our work.
072. someday i will blow your mind.
073. i have avoided making my greatest work my whole life. timing these things is key.
074. i feel as if i've simultaneously taken several steps backwards.
075. i feel as if i've simultaneously taken several steps forward.
076. customizing customizations.
077. rat & bone. loop from afrodavid. value of work. add remorse.
078. each day carries with it several potential moments. sweet spots. opportunistic opportunities. crests of positive potential.
079. like roller coasters.
080. or waves.
081. or scoring a new bag.
082. or sex.
083. the opposite of devistating whirlpools which suck out all life and energy until we are rebooted by slumbers anew several potential moments if we are fortunate maybe three or four cresendos into harmonic resolution.
084. phrases so tidily completed there are neither rhythmic nor tonal questions remaining.
085. sweet spots.
086. we are all (only) the exact origins of all the things ever in existence, while actual and absolute is also the greatest story every told.
087. this explains so much. old money better than law. the fun of slumming worn thin.
088. reeling back from tangents. both necessary and indulgent. back from digressions.
089. i mean just look at all you people. you trip me out. i see you all sitting there all adhering to certain socially acceptable scripts.
090. i want to mostly be not just like you. i want to BE you instead.
091. i cannot be you, or like you. it's hard enough to be me. no one knows my struggles. and, god, do i struggle.
092. there is a hubris and a tendency to compete. but i never do it. yet i never do it.
093. more comfortable am i behind scenes not making myself vulnerable and the focus is something i could never be comfortable with.
094. but i lie.
095. not to say i'm so unique or original but, shit, just look at them. all doing all the very same and wrong things.
096. who are you people? ok, maybe it is me. no patience. at all. for anything. any more.
097. i wouldn't recommend that anyone emulate me.
098. i can only see the things i can only see.
099. satisfied if only for very tiny moments.
100. because i am the very best.
[Sincerest gratitude and thanks to everyone who contributed, nudged, or assisted—whether you knew it or not]