Showing posts with label Mope Squad America. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mope Squad America. Show all posts
Friday
Sunday
If This Were the 'Hood...
...and these were unattended black babies in front of the beer/wine store the judgement would be completely different, amirite?
Wednesday
Favorite Half-Blacks In The News
Eldrick Barack Tont HusseinThe favored half-black celebrity-myth
Sucking the attention variance
Important or trivial
The Business of the People of America
Explained or not or spun or not
Story text unfolding silently
Along crawls at the bottom
Of exasperated talking torsos
Analyzing the analyses
Polls and lawyers and allies
As if anyone really
Real love to fell the mighty sequoia
Slay Goliaths of speculation
Build them up to tear them down
Ride them donkeys through the town
Squarely misguided priorities
Indictments of collective ignorance
We all create The Real Story
Friday
Wednesday
Mope Squad America! Racism is Dead
I really had given up on racism, you know. Not whether I'm electing to be a racist or not (because we're all racist--that's simple human nature), but I'd given up on the concept of racism; whether it was a viable paradigm for survival and evolution. It's just so antiquated. Racism no longer serves any practical or aesthetic purposes. It's over like the teletype, the dial-up modem, and slavery. Racism is as old as saying, "da bomb." As in racism is da bomb. Racism melted in Paul Robeson's ice box back in the small times. Racism is over like the NBA.
My kid is sick and we stayed home yesterday and we're staying home today. You know, "we" are staying home, as if I had to call my boss and tell his racist ass that I'm staying home with my ill offspring and will miss out on my two-hour commute and that whole office scene (I visited an office on Monday and was horrified). We had to stay home? No. The B stayed home and I am working from the couch and when she naps or plays the piano. Quote of the day from yesterday: "I know you're sick but you cannot play the piano with your knees." Anyway, we're home and she's watching the TeeVee because that's what you do when you're sick and she's watching Curious George and the narrator goes, "There's no job so hard that even a monkey can't do it." Or something...I'm forgetting. But the first thing I thought of with that line was my boy Barack Obama in the oval office. You know, monkey...hard job. C'mon! That's some funny racist shit [with a way too long and disjointed set up].
It's perfectly OK to poke racist, sexist, classist fun. Because it's funny, that's why! Seriously. Everybody knows that that racist, sexist, classist humor is the funniest humor and people are lying if they say otherwise.
I never really embraced racism because I was born post-race. But racism as a practice is just like wicked stale now. In this age of Tiger Woods, Ben Harper, Derek Jeter, Barack Obama, Mariah Carey, Lenny Kravitz, Saul "Slash" Hudson, fellow UCSC graduate Maya Rudolph, and me, Ty Hardaway--[Rich, clicky for that Mya Roudolph/bedbugs thing I was talking about in the car in the ghettos of Cambridge]--in the present era, "race" is totally and completely irrelevant anymore.
We long ago found new and better ways besides race and skin color to divide ourselves into groups for the purposes of cultural warfare? We now use money and intelligence. Mulattos are the new robber barons of American culture.
Racism is as prehistoric as hell. Or politics. Or religion. Racism is so dead it shits its pants and smells terrible.
My kid is sick and we stayed home yesterday and we're staying home today. You know, "we" are staying home, as if I had to call my boss and tell his racist ass that I'm staying home with my ill offspring and will miss out on my two-hour commute and that whole office scene (I visited an office on Monday and was horrified). We had to stay home? No. The B stayed home and I am working from the couch and when she naps or plays the piano. Quote of the day from yesterday: "I know you're sick but you cannot play the piano with your knees." Anyway, we're home and she's watching the TeeVee because that's what you do when you're sick and she's watching Curious George and the narrator goes, "There's no job so hard that even a monkey can't do it." Or something...I'm forgetting. But the first thing I thought of with that line was my boy Barack Obama in the oval office. You know, monkey...hard job. C'mon! That's some funny racist shit [with a way too long and disjointed set up].
It's perfectly OK to poke racist, sexist, classist fun. Because it's funny, that's why! Seriously. Everybody knows that that racist, sexist, classist humor is the funniest humor and people are lying if they say otherwise.
I never really embraced racism because I was born post-race. But racism as a practice is just like wicked stale now. In this age of Tiger Woods, Ben Harper, Derek Jeter, Barack Obama, Mariah Carey, Lenny Kravitz, Saul "Slash" Hudson, fellow UCSC graduate Maya Rudolph, and me, Ty Hardaway--[Rich, clicky for that Mya Roudolph/bedbugs thing I was talking about in the car in the ghettos of Cambridge]--in the present era, "race" is totally and completely irrelevant anymore.
We long ago found new and better ways besides race and skin color to divide ourselves into groups for the purposes of cultural warfare? We now use money and intelligence. Mulattos are the new robber barons of American culture.
[Ed. note: Speaking of culture and race, I have received several emails asking me if and alluding that I'm the Blognigger. Uh, no. Here are the clues: First, I am 10 years older than the Blognigger (I still say "da bomb" and stuff). I've never been to Park Slope and have only even been to New York City a handful of times. Blognigger pwned Berkeley, I pwned Santa Cruz (and Claremont before that). And the last clue: He's damn good. Really, really good. Different people, obviously. Besides, to execute a concept piece where you're a participant in another person's site is way too complex--brilliant but complex. I am not the Blognigger.]If you're still dividing based on skin color, you're using old some old-ass pre-computer finger-counting math. But this morning I heard "Natalie the racist from Winchester [VA]" on the radio and I was horrified by her old-school and overtly proud racism. And in this case my horror wasn't any sense of personal fright or danger, but my horror was that people like this are still crawling around the grout of American civilization in the year of our lord 2008. It was...kind of quaint and oddly amusing because I felt so evolved from that kind of thinking. She was single digit addition and subtraction to my vector and tensor analysis. Mac versus PC. Toyota versus GM. Blue versus Red. McCain versus Obama. That shit is so CLEAR now. Not to say she's not a dangerous motherfucker, but she was so the embodiment of this whole Sarah Palin phenomenon.
Racism is as prehistoric as hell. Or politics. Or religion. Racism is so dead it shits its pants and smells terrible.
Mulattos for Obama Unite - 2008
Mope Squad America! Respect!
Just so you know Mope Squad! will probably disappear at about the time we elect the 44th white president of the United States of America. You know the one. That one: Brock "Barry" O'Baughmaugh. C'mon, what were you thinking?
Oh I see, when I alluded to "White President" you assumed I meant Senator McCain of Arizona (R), right? No, the other white one. You forgot Barry was white? Well you will get reacquainted with that fact in the next week and a half. Pssssst. Barry's white!
And, believe me, I hurt for Barry, don't get me wrong. I know the pain of the dying grandmother who raised you. I know the loneliness of the separation of thousands of miles during this emotional time. I totally know. March 12, 1993. That's when my grandmother who raised me died. It's sad. It's wrenching. It's...mom. And for Barry, it's mom again. What is it with thisBarack Obama Brock O'Baughmaugh? I totally get him. If I were smart and handsome and ambitious, I'd be Barack Obama.
Barry's grandmother who is ill right now (and sincerely bless her heart) is his white grandmother, Mrs. Madelyn Dunham. The widow of Stanley Dunham. Madelyn and Stanley Dunham of Honolulu, Hawaii, U.S. America. Let me pull up a photo because you will see that Barry looks exactly like Stanley. Hold on.... Here it is (the same photo all over the news):
Yes the Dunhams are pretty middle-America white for sure. And look at Stanley's face above. Nope! Barry ain't adopted. That's for certain. Look again (at this one in all the news too):
The Dunhams aren't radical Muslim terrorist socialist coloreds. They are America's America. And god bless them too. They are the greatest generation. Says in the wiki that Stanley Dunham was a fourth cousin, twice removed, of President Harry S. Truman. Stanley was also a seventh cousin, once removed, of Vice-President Dick Cheney. Hello?
So yeah, I'm sorry that Mrs. Dunham is sick. Breaks all of my heart. And good for Brock to visit. That's simple love and respect. She raised him. It's his duty to tell her how much he loves her. I don't know how ill she is but I hope she--first and foremost--lives to see her grandson, Barack Brock "Barry" O'Baughmaugh Obama become the fucking president of the United Sates.
You know what? Fuck you, GOP! He's totally and safely white. Get over yourselves. Country Bumpkins First.
Oh I see, when I alluded to "White President" you assumed I meant Senator McCain of Arizona (R), right? No, the other white one. You forgot Barry was white? Well you will get reacquainted with that fact in the next week and a half. Pssssst. Barry's white!
And, believe me, I hurt for Barry, don't get me wrong. I know the pain of the dying grandmother who raised you. I know the loneliness of the separation of thousands of miles during this emotional time. I totally know. March 12, 1993. That's when my grandmother who raised me died. It's sad. It's wrenching. It's...mom. And for Barry, it's mom again. What is it with this
Barry's grandmother who is ill right now (and sincerely bless her heart) is his white grandmother, Mrs. Madelyn Dunham. The widow of Stanley Dunham. Madelyn and Stanley Dunham of Honolulu, Hawaii, U.S. America. Let me pull up a photo because you will see that Barry looks exactly like Stanley. Hold on.... Here it is (the same photo all over the news):
Yes the Dunhams are pretty middle-America white for sure. And look at Stanley's face above. Nope! Barry ain't adopted. That's for certain. Look again (at this one in all the news too):
The Dunhams aren't radical Muslim terrorist socialist coloreds. They are America's America. And god bless them too. They are the greatest generation. Says in the wiki that Stanley Dunham was a fourth cousin, twice removed, of President Harry S. Truman. Stanley was also a seventh cousin, once removed, of Vice-President Dick Cheney. Hello?So yeah, I'm sorry that Mrs. Dunham is sick. Breaks all of my heart. And good for Brock to visit. That's simple love and respect. She raised him. It's his duty to tell her how much he loves her. I don't know how ill she is but I hope she--first and foremost--lives to see her grandson, Barack Brock "Barry" O'Baughmaugh Obama become the fucking president of the United Sates.
You know what? Fuck you, GOP! He's totally and safely white. Get over yourselves. Country Bumpkins First.
Monday
Mope Squad America! Guest Post: Cass' Political Commentary Corner
---------------------------------------------Cass' Notes from the Last and Final 2008 Presidential Debate
What is this guy talking about? Who is this freak? I don't think I can bear to watch anymore. Let's be clear on a couple of things:A) Americans don't mistrust politics because you guys can't agree on anything? We mistrust politics because of this kind of shit. I mean just say what your trying to say. Americans don't like politics because of this bullshit double speak.And by the way, these debates are total crap (did I mention this?). I would have rather seen Josh Brolin (aka Oliver North, George W. Bush) versus Tiny Fey (aka Sarah Palin) in a Roller Derby Mud Wrestling match...now that would be good TV. I mean where is Steven Spielberg when you need him? Where is Spike Lee when you need him? If you want good politics why not a "Survivor: Bangladesh"...why not a UFC Mixed Marshal Arts showdown...this is crap...where's the Fist Bump, where's the "Dap"; where are McCain's stories about eating maggots as a POW? This is so remarkably stiff that it's not even funny. Somebody HIT somebody, somebody say something remarkable, where is Clinton when you need him? Where's the retort? Where's the comeback? Even Reagan was better than this. I mean this is the Face of Politics in 2008 a totally freakish robot weirdo and his side kick Tina Fey are Still....In...The...Race...? No way. No way this guy even gets a shot.
McCain wants to solve the energy problem by building 45 new Nuclear Plants? Come on, I thought we dealt with this issue like 100 years ago, when we almost wiped out the Eastern Seaboard with a nuclear meltdown. Or how about Chernobyl. Does anyone remember all the fucked up deformed, McCain looking children that came out of that debacle?
Or maybe we should be drilling offshore to "show the world that we have our own supply of oil." Oh my fucking god. Meanwhile Obama says over and over again that we need wind energy, fuel efficient cars and new means of producing energy. This is the Old World v. the New World. Pro Life, Oil Sucking White Bastards want to rule your world.... OK. I got off track....
B) This guy is so fucking snippy and retarded (sorry to all the Challenged kids) that it's hard to watch. And why is everyone afraid of Sarah Palin? Obama actually ENDORSED her as a gifted politician...on what basis, organizing the Hockey Moms Bake Sale Fund Raiser...unbelievable. Let's get something straight. Obama is a political nerd. He's was a lawyer for gods sake...I mean every question asked he broke down his plan...like a school teacher to all the 2nd grade American Minds...McCain? Bullshit rhetoric and attacks.
C) The bottom line is this: If you really want change, I mean if you REALLY want change you should hope Obama loses. L.A. burns, Chicago riots and we put up with 4 more years of Global Rape and Pillaging...not to mention global thermonuclear war...global unrest and global depression...but so what. I was born in 1973...Nixon was the president...I lived through Reagan, Bush Sr., Bush Jr. and all the fucked-up sidekicks that went along with that gang of War Criminals...but so what...Real change that'll come when the American people stop thinking that they have a "Choice" in who to vote for. There really is no choice. No matter how you look at it...Mother Earth is pissed off, we've sucked up all her oil and fucked with her oceans and forests for too long. The shit rain is coming. It's just a matter of if you have an umbrella or not.
I have it Obama by 20 electoral votes...no question about it.
This was remarkable--from Item "C" above--in its brilliance and foresight:
"The bottom line is this: If you really want change, I mean if you REALLY want change you should hope Obama loses."Damn!
Friday
Mope Squad America! The Fourth Debate
It seems like nobody paid any attention to this...but it's good.
Sure there were three presidential candidate finalist debates with Barack Obama and John McCain but that was all bullshit. You know it was. I know it was. Substantively, it was terrible theater--although via body language and subtext they were somewhat illustrative.
But last night both presidential candidate finalists appeared at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Dinner. It's an annual white tie Catholic charity dinner and comedy hi-jinx roast (and blah-blah the last time the presidential candidates will appear on the same stage before the November election blah-blah-blah). And according to the C-Span summary it was an "opportunity for each candidate to make humorous remarks about themselves, the other candidate, and the election campaign." That is, the stuff they had written and vetted and read off cards was fun-tyme laff-riot shit. And they were drunk.
As with the debates, it's not necessarily the words (although there are some wicked snaps, busts, and harshes) you need to focus upon, it's the body language and subtext. I think some shit came out that says volumes about our candidates. Watch the shit (and forward to 7:00 if you want).
Oh, and Pappy poops the bed again: [clicky]
Sure there were three presidential candidate finalist debates with Barack Obama and John McCain but that was all bullshit. You know it was. I know it was. Substantively, it was terrible theater--although via body language and subtext they were somewhat illustrative.
But last night both presidential candidate finalists appeared at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Dinner. It's an annual white tie Catholic charity dinner and comedy hi-jinx roast (and blah-blah the last time the presidential candidates will appear on the same stage before the November election blah-blah-blah). And according to the C-Span summary it was an "opportunity for each candidate to make humorous remarks about themselves, the other candidate, and the election campaign." That is, the stuff they had written and vetted and read off cards was fun-tyme laff-riot shit. And they were drunk.
As with the debates, it's not necessarily the words (although there are some wicked snaps, busts, and harshes) you need to focus upon, it's the body language and subtext. I think some shit came out that says volumes about our candidates. Watch the shit (and forward to 7:00 if you want).
[clicky]
Bonus:Oh, and Pappy poops the bed again: [clicky]
Wednesday
Mope Squad America! Welcome to the Family
There are two things that I am that nobody can refute: That I'm racial. As in multi-racial/ethnic; a mutt of sorts. The other is that I'm probably the most libertarian/liberal person alive. But I try to be fair.
And if there are two things that "Southern
America" dislikes, it's racial and liberal. That's me. Sorry, that's just what I've become. It's not a bad thing, it's just the future. I'm well liked by some people and will be well liked by everybody in Barack Obama's America.
So it came to a surprise that I received "an exclusive offer" to "come enjoy the best the South has to offer." Yes. In the mail. The U.S. Postal Mail. I received a subscription offer for Garden & Gun - 21st Century Southern America. And not the tiny 4-color card offer. No. I received the 18-page high-concept, full-on graphics-on-a-Mac brochure. And I can guarantee you it's NOT because of my subscriptions to Harper's and The New Yorker. And it is not paired with my ACLU membership.
How did I get on this list? How did I get on this list? What gives.
From the pictures, I can say though, that this is some great living, y'all. These people have some old money, son. Lots of it too. Beautiful homes and lots of guns. They hunt foxes, for crying out loud. There is actually an article on "The Perfect Mint Julep." I'm totally serious. Also, "How to Cook a Whole Hog, " "Virginia's Oldest Beagle Pack," and, "Summer Jubilee on the 'Bama Coast." Things a gentleman like me need to KNOW! [Ed. note: I've just been told that "'Bama" is short for Alabama not "Obama" and the Obama Coast of Hawaii -- my bad]
I'm so in! I'm totally going to subscribe (or at least I'm going to get my free issue)! Shit yeah, to get on this list is golden. Poor, black, Jew, 'Pino, liberal, Californian, artist redneck! I am the New America. I mean, seriously. First I have Charlie Crist and Tom Feeney calling me and now this. Goddamn, son!
If I knew living in the South (note capitalization) was gonna rock so goddamn hard, I would have taken up hunting a long time ago.
And, hell yeah! There's even an article on "Ben Hardaway and his Legendary Hounds." [clicky]
Represent! Yeeeeeeee-hawwwwwwww!
And if there are two things that "Southern
America" dislikes, it's racial and liberal. That's me. Sorry, that's just what I've become. It's not a bad thing, it's just the future. I'm well liked by some people and will be well liked by everybody in Barack Obama's America.So it came to a surprise that I received "an exclusive offer" to "come enjoy the best the South has to offer." Yes. In the mail. The U.S. Postal Mail. I received a subscription offer for Garden & Gun - 21st Century Southern America. And not the tiny 4-color card offer. No. I received the 18-page high-concept, full-on graphics-on-a-Mac brochure. And I can guarantee you it's NOT because of my subscriptions to Harper's and The New Yorker. And it is not paired with my ACLU membership.
How did I get on this list? How did I get on this list? What gives.
From the pictures, I can say though, that this is some great living, y'all. These people have some old money, son. Lots of it too. Beautiful homes and lots of guns. They hunt foxes, for crying out loud. There is actually an article on "The Perfect Mint Julep." I'm totally serious. Also, "How to Cook a Whole Hog, " "Virginia's Oldest Beagle Pack," and, "Summer Jubilee on the 'Bama Coast." Things a gentleman like me need to KNOW! [Ed. note: I've just been told that "'Bama" is short for Alabama not "Obama" and the Obama Coast of Hawaii -- my bad]
I'm so in! I'm totally going to subscribe (or at least I'm going to get my free issue)! Shit yeah, to get on this list is golden. Poor, black, Jew, 'Pino, liberal, Californian, artist redneck! I am the New America. I mean, seriously. First I have Charlie Crist and Tom Feeney calling me and now this. Goddamn, son!
If I knew living in the South (note capitalization) was gonna rock so goddamn hard, I would have taken up hunting a long time ago.
And, hell yeah! There's even an article on "Ben Hardaway and his Legendary Hounds." [clicky]
Represent! Yeeeeeeee-hawwwwwwww!
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Mope Squad America! Archives
Monday
Mope Squad America!
So it was Oktoberfest here at the K-Lands again (our seventh since one was canceled for a reason). And as usual the political people were out. That's fine even though Maryland is once again a lock for the Democrats again (Barack is presently polling at 56%). Actually, the political booths (including the pro life booth) are really kind of annoying since it's supposed to be a fun event and it becomes all politicized by kooks. But, whatever. The kids like to go and watch German dancing and I get to eat a bratwurst for once in a year.
So sure, it's a participatory democracy and shit so the McCain/Palin (McLame/Failin') people were there too...for some reason. And people were taking their schwag...for some reason. I even scored me a "Team Palin" button...for some reason, so yeah no big. Democracy in action and shit. [It's funny, the Obama/Biden people seem so normal while the McCain/Palin people seem so fucking weird]
Anyway I was walking home to get my cap since it was sunny and overly contrasty and I saw some of the grounds people running to get a couple of police officers. Action! Well since I'm generally packing a camera I decided to follow. What could it be? A drunken fight? A kid biffed off the hay ride? A tent collapse?
No, it was this lame McCainiac taking down Obama/Biden signs. And here lies today's Mope Squad America! Mope of the week:
Isn't she like so totally retarded? You betcha, Middlespacers. I bet she dropped a little turd in her Depends too.
So sure, it's a participatory democracy and shit so the McCain/Palin (McLame/Failin') people were there too...for some reason. And people were taking their schwag...for some reason. I even scored me a "Team Palin" button...for some reason, so yeah no big. Democracy in action and shit. [It's funny, the Obama/Biden people seem so normal while the McCain/Palin people seem so fucking weird]
Anyway I was walking home to get my cap since it was sunny and overly contrasty and I saw some of the grounds people running to get a couple of police officers. Action! Well since I'm generally packing a camera I decided to follow. What could it be? A drunken fight? A kid biffed off the hay ride? A tent collapse?
No, it was this lame McCainiac taking down Obama/Biden signs. And here lies today's Mope Squad America! Mope of the week:
Isn't she like so totally retarded? You betcha, Middlespacers. I bet she dropped a little turd in her Depends too.
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Mope Squad America! Archives
Friday
Mope Squad America! King Todd of Alaska
From Ricardo from Willow Grove, PA:
Back to me from Middlespace Industries (heavy art manufacturing):
Ha! You have a very, very good point here. First, let me say, Todd is already the King of Alaska. He rules with an iron fist and a barracuda. It's like when you were a kid and playing with sand castles at the beach of GI Joe or some shit. That was your kingdom. You ruled that universe. You were omnipotent.
Todd Palin is basically Vladimir Putin. Putin reared his head one morning and went, "What? Why am I president of this dump? This is way too much work and exposure. I'll get one of my boys to mind the tiller and I'll just go off and do my thing...as the new Prime Minister!" Todd Palin is V. Putin. That makes Sarah Palin Dmitry Medvedev. I'm not going to spoon-feed you on this (it works). But trust me, Todd is running shit in Alaska.
For a while Todd probably believed that John McCain would win this thing and he probably had fantasies of becoming the new King of America! Look at his face. Todd would make a terrific and benevolent king of America. But, I'm certain there came a time when he was smoking up with the buds and he realized something. I bet he was all, "Sheeeiiit! This might totally suck, dude. People would be all up in my shit 24/7. I'd have to fly between DC and Wasilla all the damn time. Thanks but no thanks. Secret Service ain't gonna let me smoke out in the limo."
But if she loses? That's her loss. He could always claim they--the goofy Republican socialists--just didn't listen to him on the important issues. Todd Palin knows.
Todd should open a huge badass megachurch in Anchorage. He'd have Sarah minister; doing all the heavy lifting. Todd would reap the bounty of all the ass, grass, and cash the King of Alaska can handle.
Nope. I can't hate on the Todd-dude. I bet he's fun as hell to hang out with.
"We talked about Wooten possibly pulling over one of my kids to frame them, like throwing a bag of dope in the back seat just to frame a Palin."
-First Dude Todd (from testimony that Troopergate nonsense)
Todd's a stoner. Already laying his defense. I was framed! Bitch set me up!
I have to say, as much as I despise Sarah Palin, I have nothing against Todd Palin. Seems like a dude. I figure he gets regular sex from his big titty wife, anal twice a year, smokes a ton of dope, loves his kids, likes to hang out outdoors.
Whenever he's in a shot with Sarah, he seems to be saying to himself, "This is one fucking amazing headtrip, dude. Don't blow it."
And I don't think he gives a shit if she gets elected. He wins either way. In fact, he's probably better off if she loses. Then he gets tons of consolation sex, gets to stay in Alaska, and gets to keep smoking his dope. If she's VP, I bet he stays in Alaska.
Back to me from Middlespace Industries (heavy art manufacturing):
Ha! You have a very, very good point here. First, let me say, Todd is already the King of Alaska. He rules with an iron fist and a barracuda. It's like when you were a kid and playing with sand castles at the beach of GI Joe or some shit. That was your kingdom. You ruled that universe. You were omnipotent.
Todd Palin is basically Vladimir Putin. Putin reared his head one morning and went, "What? Why am I president of this dump? This is way too much work and exposure. I'll get one of my boys to mind the tiller and I'll just go off and do my thing...as the new Prime Minister!" Todd Palin is V. Putin. That makes Sarah Palin Dmitry Medvedev. I'm not going to spoon-feed you on this (it works). But trust me, Todd is running shit in Alaska.
For a while Todd probably believed that John McCain would win this thing and he probably had fantasies of becoming the new King of America! Look at his face. Todd would make a terrific and benevolent king of America. But, I'm certain there came a time when he was smoking up with the buds and he realized something. I bet he was all, "Sheeeiiit! This might totally suck, dude. People would be all up in my shit 24/7. I'd have to fly between DC and Wasilla all the damn time. Thanks but no thanks. Secret Service ain't gonna let me smoke out in the limo."
But if she loses? That's her loss. He could always claim they--the goofy Republican socialists--just didn't listen to him on the important issues. Todd Palin knows.
Todd should open a huge badass megachurch in Anchorage. He'd have Sarah minister; doing all the heavy lifting. Todd would reap the bounty of all the ass, grass, and cash the King of Alaska can handle.
Nope. I can't hate on the Todd-dude. I bet he's fun as hell to hang out with.
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Mope Squad America! Archives
Wednesday
Mope Squad America! The Terrific Depression
Yes, I did watch the United States presidential candidates debate last night on my TeeVee. The Final Two (tm)! I watched every bit of it. Just like I've watched every bit of the vice presidential debate and the first McCain/Obama debate. Just like I watched all the Bush-Kerry, Bush-Gore, and all the others. It's what I do. I witness. I observe. I opine. I predict.
Here's what I got out of last night's debate in no particular order and without the aid of supporting or reference articles (I haven't read one word on this thing yet today). This is strictly what comes to mind here and now:
Mope Squad! Extra:
You know what's great about the collapsing world financial markets? Equity. Not that kind, well maybe, but yeah: Equality. Now us poor but smart slobs have a turn at being on the team. Or, think on this for a minute, maybe we'll be the new captains of the teams. Johnny Stockbroker has less money than I. Ha-ha!
Here's what I got out of last night's debate in no particular order and without the aid of supporting or reference articles (I haven't read one word on this thing yet today). This is strictly what comes to mind here and now:
1. A vote for John McCain is basically a vote for Sarah Palin for president because John McCain is not a healthy man. He is old, he's feeble, he's demented, and he's dying. It's as clear as the sunrise that he is in physical and cognitive decline. Think back to John McCain of 2000. Now consider this: have you even seen what presidents look like after a term? How 'bout two terms?Barry & Joe or John & Sarah? Yes, it is a culture war. For sure. But it's not black and white per se, nor is it a woman versus man thing, in its entirety. What this is, is the intelligence and science of humankind battling for its carbon-based life against the virus that is mediocrity, fear, and what is called "faith" (but what I call fantasy). Who's the mope now?
Remember this guy?And we know that W doesn't work hard. He's a lazy fella. But he now looks like a real old dude. Remember Carter? Even Bush I added like 25 years. Even Bubba Clinton paid some aging dues. John McCain already looks Reagan's age when he left office in 1989 (and he wasn't so physically or cognitivelly fit, was he?). I do not believe John McCain can survive the presidency. Simply put, a GOP vote is a vote for the Sarah LH Palin presidency because the erratic John McCain is not physically or mentally fit for office.
2. Barack Obama is cool. Probably too cool to be the president. And by cool I mean, collected, composed, and a true badass. We actually need a president like Barack Obama. You want America to be the coolest country on the planet again? Hire "that one" as CEO. Cool and brilliant. Cool and confident and smart. The guy you need to know because it ups your game by mere association. That one.
3. McCain lost that debate so many times he actually won it for like twenty-three seconds, then he lost it again in a stumbling collapse of cards, notes, Vick's Vapo-Rub, and support hose. It's like smoking too much pot (from what I've read). You get high, then you get stoned, then you smoke yourself sober. You have to start all over again.
That was John McCain last night. He got his ass kicked so badly, your brain starts all feeling sorry for him then you realize that he's just like that crazy old guy on your block who still drives a DeSoto and hasn't painted his house in like 30 years and the county keeps coming to mow his lawn that goes to seed every year. You feel kind of bad then one day you say hello and he cusses you out and calls you "that one" and makes up all these weird lies that he shouts only to himself. You just get pissed that you actually felt something for such an asshole prick motherfucker. So you stop feeling sorry because you realize he's just an old, sad, douche who probably spat racial profanities at your grandfather when your grandfather was a porter at the Navy Club and he was 17.
4. John McCain should fire his entire advance team. Uh, hello? They let little Johnny Mac sit on those high chairs? In fact, it looked like he was a giant baby in a suit sitting in a high chair like some weird ad during the Super Bowl (tm). Obama all comfy and cool and collected and smart and above the fray and McCain only touching the floor with his tiny tippy-toes (he had to scooch all the way to the front of the seat to do that). That was embarrassing as hell. They should have put Obama in one of those tiny pre-school chairs for balance (but Barack would have still styled hella tite).
5. Barack is smart. I admire intelligence. There are few people I admire because of their intelligence. Shelly and Barry may definitely make that list. No problem-o. Shout out to Princeton, Columbia, Harvard, University of Chicago (Professor Obama). Huh? Gladys-Wood Elementary? WTF?
6. America is at a profound turning point as to what it will become. It'll either become a craggy old fortress of hate and despair or it'll be unicorns and dolphins flying over rainbows.
7. Do not for one minute think that I believe what comes out of the mouths of politicians. I don't. But you fool yourself if you believe you are "judging" a presidential "debate" on "substance." That' just dumb ass bullshit. What you are judging is a job interview, an audition, and your own gut feeling (intuition) about someone. Think about that.
Mope Squad! Extra:
You know what's great about the collapsing world financial markets? Equity. Not that kind, well maybe, but yeah: Equality. Now us poor but smart slobs have a turn at being on the team. Or, think on this for a minute, maybe we'll be the new captains of the teams. Johnny Stockbroker has less money than I. Ha-ha!
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Mope Squad America! Archives
Monday
Mope Squad America! Baseballin'
Oy Vey, Middlespacers. I know, it's already 1:30 in the afternoon here in the east and I'm just getting to it. But it's a flat, flat, overcast, cool autumn day today. And I feel like shit (intestinal, day 2). The Dow has fallen off a cliff (did anyone pay any attention to Enron?). Politics is tearing us apart. And.... Ahh, I'm just not into it today. Let's move on.
Let's talk about baseball. Manny, Joe and the who-are-these-kids? Dodgers (from Los Angeles, California, USA) will meet up with Charlie Manuel, Chase Utley, and the goddamn old-school Philadelphia "Freedom" Phillies. I couldn't be happier, actually. Dodgers-Phillies. These two teams go back to small times. Before Expos, Astros, Angles, and the Metropolitans. This shit goes back to Brooklyn. And both teams are legitimate National League division winners (no wild cards, no weak Rule 6.10 DH, please). I'm not saying that the '96 and '06 wild card admissions were illegitimate, but it's kind of like an NCAA invitee winning the NCAA tournament all "hippies entrance 'round back" and stuff.
Both teams have great hitting, pitching, fielding, and management. Both teams are on fire. It's a perfect series. I could give a shit about who goes to the World Series (tm) especially if the so-called "Rays" get a slot. What am I talking about? If Boston goes to the series it's another LA-BOS matchup. I love LA-BOS match-ups (except in football because then it's just the Boston Patriots roaming around Los Angeles tackling random people on the streets). Uh, I mean if they can put it all together and beat the mighty Phillies (I can't jinx).
This is the best. And for people who haven't known me since the last series ('88), this is what it's about: new cap, unshaven, and optimistic. If the Dodgers break my heart, at least I'll bleed Dodger blue. Represent! I'm your Dodger baseball mope.
Let's talk about baseball. Manny, Joe and the who-are-these-kids? Dodgers (from Los Angeles, California, USA) will meet up with Charlie Manuel, Chase Utley, and the goddamn old-school Philadelphia "Freedom" Phillies. I couldn't be happier, actually. Dodgers-Phillies. These two teams go back to small times. Before Expos, Astros, Angles, and the Metropolitans. This shit goes back to Brooklyn. And both teams are legitimate National League division winners (no wild cards, no weak Rule 6.10 DH, please). I'm not saying that the '96 and '06 wild card admissions were illegitimate, but it's kind of like an NCAA invitee winning the NCAA tournament all "hippies entrance 'round back" and stuff.
Both teams have great hitting, pitching, fielding, and management. Both teams are on fire. It's a perfect series. I could give a shit about who goes to the World Series (tm) especially if the so-called "Rays" get a slot. What am I talking about? If Boston goes to the series it's another LA-BOS matchup. I love LA-BOS match-ups (except in football because then it's just the Boston Patriots roaming around Los Angeles tackling random people on the streets). Uh, I mean if they can put it all together and beat the mighty Phillies (I can't jinx).
This is the best. And for people who haven't known me since the last series ('88), this is what it's about: new cap, unshaven, and optimistic. If the Dodgers break my heart, at least I'll bleed Dodger blue. Represent! I'm your Dodger baseball mope.
1955 • 1959 • 1963 • 1965 • 1981 • 1988
21 NL Pennants
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21 NL Pennants
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Friday
Mope Squad America! Sarah Palin is Perfect
First of all, Joe Biden totally smashed in that debate last night. We all know that. That is not debatable. There is no "other" victory because Sarah Palin didn't throw up on the lectern and she spoke in a form of English. There's no issue there. It was the smartest senior in the school debating the home-schooled cheerleader freshman. It was the Montgomery county league B-level champs playing the U.S. Olympic basketball team. Don't even ask me about that stupid debate.
The Coen Bros. couldn't create a character like Sarah Palin. Tom Robbins couldn't write a character like Sarah Palin. Andy Warhol could not mold a character like Sarah Palin. Karl Rove tried to manufacture a character like Sarah Palin with Geroge W. Bush, but he didn't get close to Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin is--listen very closely--perfect. Sarah Palin is absolutely perfect. Here me out. When Sarah Palin looks into the camera with that dumb ass smile, that weak hairdo, those stripper pumps, those glasses, and that WHOLLY manufactured and brilliantly-acted accent of hers and says, "Joe Six-Pack and Hockey Moms. We have to ban together and say, never again. To Wall Street." Do you really think that was about Wall Street? Joe Six-Pack and Hockey Moms don't do Wall Street. There are no "investments" on Main Street except for the odd Chrysler PT Cruiser here or a propane BBQ there...maybe a new boat. No what Sarah Palin was saying is as follows:
Sarah Palin is John Roberts, Strom Thurmond, and Dick Cheney rolled into one robotic, talk-box tool of that whole vast right wing conspiracy. It's fucking scary, man! Her job is to tell the conservatives and the evangelicals and the very frightened that everything will be "just A-OK with the Mavericks at the trigger." They are the county's new sheriff.
Yes. She garnered a whole lot of attention and sucked a lot of people in then delivered last night. What debate, Sarah Palin had talking points to read. As planned.
Like I said, Sarah Palin totally smashed in that debate last night. We all know that. That is not debatable. There is no "other" victory because Sarah Palin didn't throw up on the lectern and she spoke in a form of English. There's no issue there. It was the smartest senior in the school debating the home-schooled cheerleader freshman. It was the Montgomery county league B-level champs playing the U.S. Olympic basketball team. Don't even ask me about that stupid debate.
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The Coen Bros. couldn't create a character like Sarah Palin. Tom Robbins couldn't write a character like Sarah Palin. Andy Warhol could not mold a character like Sarah Palin. Karl Rove tried to manufacture a character like Sarah Palin with Geroge W. Bush, but he didn't get close to Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin is--listen very closely--perfect. Sarah Palin is absolutely perfect. Here me out. When Sarah Palin looks into the camera with that dumb ass smile, that weak hairdo, those stripper pumps, those glasses, and that WHOLLY manufactured and brilliantly-acted accent of hers and says, "Joe Six-Pack and Hockey Moms. We have to ban together and say, never again. To Wall Street." Do you really think that was about Wall Street? Joe Six-Pack and Hockey Moms don't do Wall Street. There are no "investments" on Main Street except for the odd Chrysler PT Cruiser here or a propane BBQ there...maybe a new boat. No what Sarah Palin was saying is as follows:
"Hey. Look. I'm one of you. I'm white. I'm dumb. I'm as prejudiced and narrow and bible-thumping as you. Just like you. You know who I'm talking to. Let's ban together and rid ourselves of these pointy headed know-it-alls who think they know just everything. It's time to takeThat is what she was saying.thisour shit back. This is our America. Our America will bomb the shit out of the rest of the world, and make this the paradise it was supposed to be. America is ours! The world is ours! USA! God! You betcha! "
Sarah Palin is John Roberts, Strom Thurmond, and Dick Cheney rolled into one robotic, talk-box tool of that whole vast right wing conspiracy. It's fucking scary, man! Her job is to tell the conservatives and the evangelicals and the very frightened that everything will be "just A-OK with the Mavericks at the trigger." They are the county's new sheriff.
Yes. She garnered a whole lot of attention and sucked a lot of people in then delivered last night. What debate, Sarah Palin had talking points to read. As planned.
Like I said, Sarah Palin totally smashed in that debate last night. We all know that. That is not debatable. There is no "other" victory because Sarah Palin didn't throw up on the lectern and she spoke in a form of English. There's no issue there. It was the smartest senior in the school debating the home-schooled cheerleader freshman. It was the Montgomery county league B-level champs playing the U.S. Olympic basketball team. Don't even ask me about that stupid debate.
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Mope Squad America! Archives
Tuesday
Mope Ask Squad Ty America
I know (and I told you) that things would be hectic this week [clicky]. But we're almost back to business as usual. Tomorrow begins our new fiscal year. Hurray for the new fiscal year (What's going on in the world anyway? Are we "bailed out" yet? Is Obama bin Biden president yet? What's Blognigger doing? I've been doing alt-other stuff today and yesterday).
I'll try to get to the big A.T. question-in-queue and some "mope squad" tonight (we'll see what's on the TeeVee first) if not, schedule returns Wednesday, October 1, 2008 (that's tomorrow).
FYI October: It's all-Nikon all-manual month (insert obligatory theme month caveat here). I'm putting the Canon away tonight...for the month (and will try to refrain from iPhone pics here). Ha! And it's my birthday month (I'll post wish list later but in plenty of time for the 24th).
Happy new year! I give the "theme" two weeks to stick.
I'll try to get to the big A.T. question-in-queue and some "mope squad" tonight (we'll see what's on the TeeVee first) if not, schedule returns Wednesday, October 1, 2008 (that's tomorrow).
Happy new year! I give the "theme" two weeks to stick.
Friday
Mope Squad America! Holy Cow
"Look, I'm an armchair genius. We've long ago established that.No shit. I woke up this morning and the "bailout deal" was dead, my mortgage company had been seized by the federal government and sold to another bank, my debate watching schedule had been disrupted, David Letterman was still
And the Democrats are retards. That too is self evident. Once again I will explain what they need to do to win what should be an unloseable election.
All Democrats should pepper their talking points with mentions of John McCain's "erratic behavior" and such. Just gently and subtlely, like a concerned relative.
Seed the meme that he's lost it.
Sent from my iPhone"
- RPW
Jesus! What the fuck is going on anymore?! This is the craziest moment that I can remember for a very long time...since Nixon's resignation, since Gulf War I, since the impeachment of Billy Bob Clinton. Since the space shuttle exploded. Twice! I ask again, what the hell?
Oh, one thing stayed the same: John Walnuts McCain is fucking batty with brain craziness. That dude's a kook. And no, let's not be subtle about it like we're concerned relatives. Let's tell it like it is like we're weirded out neighbors: John McCain has totally lost it. John McCain is crazy. If I see John McCain walking toward me on the sidewalk, I will cross the street and put my purse on the other side. John McCain is scarier than Omar Little but without the sympathy.
Here's your meme: Barack Obama --This is the
Wednesday
Mope Squad America! The Al & Lane Show
Want to read the best web log posting ever? It's not here. It's over at Blognigger. Go and read it. THIS ONE ---> (read it all, I'll wait): [clicky]
You're back...good. What the hell is going on with the Oakland Raiders?
Yeah, the Raiders are my football team. I know. You don't have to keep reminding me. I already know. When I was growing up in Los Angeles we had the Rams and then the Raiders moved to LA after the traitorous loser Rams moved to Anaheim then to St. Louis. So there's a reason and I'm sticking to (or "with") my team even though they're an embarrassing insult to professional football (yes, they moved too, but back to Oakland).
But, it's a weird scene where the team owner can write a resignation letter for the head coach to sign. Then the young head coach tells the owner -- his boss -- naw, I ain't signing that shit, you have to fire me, son. And the owner doesn't fire him. Then -- the next season -- the owner tells the young head coach that, "I'm onna fire you!" But he doesn't fire him. What. The. Fuck? Oh, and they even win a game...in this league (well it was the Chiefs but they won a game).
Now, is Kiffen's "I ain't gonna quit!" a sticktoitiveness that an owner (and America) should admire or is it that the crazy bastard owner Al Davis just doesn't want to pay out the coach's contract if he fires him? And the coach knows it so he won't quit. And that becomes the "thing" about this team. And that "thing" comes to typify your team since its 48-21 ass-kicking at the hands of Tampa Bay in Super Bowl (tm) XXXVII (and former Raider head coach John Gruden who wanted out of Oakland even after going to the AFC championship the previous two years because Al Davis kept him as the lowest paid coach in the league so he went to Tampa).
Is intelligently stubborn Lane Kiffin actually Barack Obama?
Is grumpy, senile Al Davis really John McCain?
It's the craziest thing ever. Sample Oakland Tribune sports headline titles:
That makes me today's mope. Not 33-year-old Lane Kiffin (whom I like). Not 207-year-old Al Davis (just waiting for him to croak). But, me...I'm the mope.
You're back...good. What the hell is going on with the Oakland Raiders?
Yeah, the Raiders are my football team. I know. You don't have to keep reminding me. I already know. When I was growing up in Los Angeles we had the Rams and then the Raiders moved to LA after the traitorous loser Rams moved to Anaheim then to St. Louis. So there's a reason and I'm sticking to (or "with") my team even though they're an embarrassing insult to professional football (yes, they moved too, but back to Oakland).
But, it's a weird scene where the team owner can write a resignation letter for the head coach to sign. Then the young head coach tells the owner -- his boss -- naw, I ain't signing that shit, you have to fire me, son. And the owner doesn't fire him. Then -- the next season -- the owner tells the young head coach that, "I'm onna fire you!" But he doesn't fire him. What. The. Fuck? Oh, and they even win a game...in this league (well it was the Chiefs but they won a game).
Now, is Kiffen's "I ain't gonna quit!" a sticktoitiveness that an owner (and America) should admire or is it that the crazy bastard owner Al Davis just doesn't want to pay out the coach's contract if he fires him? And the coach knows it so he won't quit. And that becomes the "thing" about this team. And that "thing" comes to typify your team since its 48-21 ass-kicking at the hands of Tampa Bay in Super Bowl (tm) XXXVII (and former Raider head coach John Gruden who wanted out of Oakland even after going to the AFC championship the previous two years because Al Davis kept him as the lowest paid coach in the league so he went to Tampa).
Is intelligently stubborn Lane Kiffin actually Barack Obama?
Is grumpy, senile Al Davis really John McCain?
It's the craziest thing ever. Sample Oakland Tribune sports headline titles:
Blind eyes turned to this lunacy
Raiders' theater of absurd
Raiders new slogan: Just wince, baby
Raiders Coach Lane Kiffin has been told he'll be fired
Kiffin: 'No way I'm quitting'
I do not love the Oakland Raiders at all. In fact, I fucking hate them. But I'm never taking the Redskins even though I've lived here for 13 years now. And I'm never fully taking the Giants into my heart even though I was excited that they made my decade by beating the Patriots in this last 'Bowl (tm). So, I'm stuck with the Oakland Raiders. Which is some weird mob thing soap opera that still excites me when they win a game.
That makes me today's mope. Not 33-year-old Lane Kiffin (whom I like). Not 207-year-old Al Davis (just waiting for him to croak). But, me...I'm the mope.
Monday
Mope Squad America! Punk or Poser
So I go out to get a nice cup of tea and there's this kid, maybe 20 or 23 or so, and he has a kick ass spiked Mohawk. The thing's at least a foot high, stiff like a fan, kind of green, and the kid's sporting the requisite clothing and 'tude. This kid is getting the entire community in an uproar. He's...he's punk! Lock up your babies.
Whatever, right? Punk is going to be with us for every generation as a phase. As a thing some kids do 'cuz they hate "the man." There's always going to be kids in their Doc Marten's, pinning shit with safety pins, and flying anti-authority scowls. Some are genuinely troubled or rough. Some will break shit and fight. Some are in costume and are afraid for their own shadow. It's like dressing up like a pirate. No killing. No raping. It's just for pretend.
This kid, though, struck me as not your typical poser, unfortunately (and unfortunately I didn't have a camera with me), but he was kind of his own uber-poser. He so wanted to be the hot shit but just didn't have it completely in him. I'm sure if you don't look deep enough the heuristics will put one off. But, this kid...c'mon?
I wanted to say, "Hey, you're punk? Really punk? Like a 'punk rocker', right? You ready to fuck shit up, aren't you?" I wanted to break down the ten reasons why he wasn't really punk for him.
It would go like this:
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Whatever, right? Punk is going to be with us for every generation as a phase. As a thing some kids do 'cuz they hate "the man." There's always going to be kids in their Doc Marten's, pinning shit with safety pins, and flying anti-authority scowls. Some are genuinely troubled or rough. Some will break shit and fight. Some are in costume and are afraid for their own shadow. It's like dressing up like a pirate. No killing. No raping. It's just for pretend.
This kid, though, struck me as not your typical poser, unfortunately (and unfortunately I didn't have a camera with me), but he was kind of his own uber-poser. He so wanted to be the hot shit but just didn't have it completely in him. I'm sure if you don't look deep enough the heuristics will put one off. But, this kid...c'mon?
I wanted to say, "Hey, you're punk? Really punk? Like a 'punk rocker', right? You ready to fuck shit up, aren't you?" I wanted to break down the ten reasons why he wasn't really punk for him.
It would go like this:
- You are fat. Punks aren't fat. They eat like shit and infrequently. Beating ass, running from authority, and dancing all night burns quite a few calories too. Punks are generally rail thin, scabby, and high as a kite all day and night. And speed, cocaine, nicotine, meth, and various other fight inducing stimulants tend to keep you on the slim side, chubbs.
- You're eating sushi. Sushi is good. Pork chops are good. Bacon tastes good. But hello? You're with your lady friend (she of facial piercings, black clothing, and wild gesticulation) and you're eating a sushi lunch. You kick ass!
- You're drinking bottled water (which I watched you purchase). You aren't sticking it to the man at Starbucks that way, fella. I just don't get your cause, son.
- You used the trash can, Mr. Potty-mouth. I thought punks didn't care, man!
- Your cell phone is totally weak. A cell phone? C'mon. Can you hear me now?
- You were kind enough to blow your smoke away from my direction. You're just a nice kid and not ready to rumble.
- Your clothes appeared to be washed and folded (my your mom).
- You appeared to be frightened of me. I know I'm all rough and tumble, but you're punk, dude! Don't be scared...I'll be gentle with your 'hawk.
- You were discussing classes. You're in school? Ha!
- You were gossiping like a haus frau. Sample conversation:
Punk girl answers mobile phone and lies to caller that she's still eating and will call back soon (punk to lie but not punk to offer to call back).Not so punk. Just a sweet kid. It's OK...just keep your grades up and I'll allow you to play dress-up, Billy.
Punk guy: "Why don't you just tell her you hate her."
Punk girl: "I don't hate her."
Punk guy (under his breath and rather passive-aggressive): "I do...."
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Mope Squad America! Archives
Friday
Mope Squad America! Nothing Much
'Eh. Maybe I don't have much to say today. I think the Wall Street Journal pretty much covered Mope Squad today. Thanks.
Today's that day. Not the "don't have much to say" day but the psychological and physiological season shift. The B called it this morning. She declared it autumn. She's right! Today's that day. You can tell in all of the senses.
Just like that. Autumn. Time for field mowing and "the sheer hubris of punching a hole through a mountain." It's hunker down and make shit time.
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Today's that day. Not the "don't have much to say" day but the psychological and physiological season shift. The B called it this morning. She declared it autumn. She's right! Today's that day. You can tell in all of the senses.
Just like that. Autumn. Time for field mowing and "the sheer hubris of punching a hole through a mountain." It's hunker down and make shit time.
So deconstruction, huh? Really? Is that like my "thing" now?
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Mope Squad America! Archives
Wednesday
Mope Squad America! Just Pick A Side
Oh boy....
You know what I hate? I hate passive-aggressive politicking. You know, like "Rock the Vote" and those wimpy "Yo, Get Out The Vote" campaigns that are all obviously "progressive" if not simply for and of the Democrats. You know the ones, "Hi, I'm Snoop Dogg and, yo yo yo, I just want to say register to vote 'n shit, yo...for whomever you choose...because voting is important n' shit. Yo!"
Blah! For whomever? No! The liberals and the progressives and the Democrats always add that weak "...for whomever" caveat so that they can whine, "We aren't picking sides, man! We just want everyone to vote." No you don't. You actually are picking a side, just like the other side is picking a side: theirs. You want people to vote who will help you WIN.
Do you think that the Republicans are for ONE SECOND going, "Golly, we just want you to register to vote so you can vote for our team or the other team." No! If you're going to vote for the "other guy" (code for black) then they'd rather you not vote. That's why Republicans win, sukkahzzz. The Republicans are the team who came up with, "You're either with us or your with the terrorists."
How do smart and good people become such losers? I mean Republicans lie, cheat, and steal from their own people. They register the poorest Buefords in the county and promise them 37 virgins and a pound of meth (doesn't come in kilos, whew knew?) and, obviously, lower taxes. Then they lie and justify and blame the Democrats about each unfulfilled item time and time again but they keep our Buefords in the winning column time and time again because the people of Traditional Small Town Values are sticking it to the pointy-headed liberals and coloreds and Jews. Each election! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Kerry? Loser.
Gore? Loser.
Because the stupid losers tell everybody to register and vote. Duh. Here's a campaign freebee:
The Republicans rig elections, change laws to disenfranchise voters, and blow up skyscrapers (kidding!). All you morons have done was print lame bumber stickers like "01.20.09" and stuff. No matter what your forth grade soccer coach told you, we're not all winners. You thought Bush was bad?
----------------------------------------
You know what I hate? I hate passive-aggressive politicking. You know, like "Rock the Vote" and those wimpy "Yo, Get Out The Vote" campaigns that are all obviously "progressive" if not simply for and of the Democrats. You know the ones, "Hi, I'm Snoop Dogg and, yo yo yo, I just want to say register to vote 'n shit, yo...for whomever you choose...because voting is important n' shit. Yo!"
Blah! For whomever? No! The liberals and the progressives and the Democrats always add that weak "...for whomever" caveat so that they can whine, "We aren't picking sides, man! We just want everyone to vote." No you don't. You actually are picking a side, just like the other side is picking a side: theirs. You want people to vote who will help you WIN.
Do you think that the Republicans are for ONE SECOND going, "Golly, we just want you to register to vote so you can vote for our team or the other team." No! If you're going to vote for the "other guy" (code for black) then they'd rather you not vote. That's why Republicans win, sukkahzzz. The Republicans are the team who came up with, "You're either with us or your with the terrorists."
How do smart and good people become such losers? I mean Republicans lie, cheat, and steal from their own people. They register the poorest Buefords in the county and promise them 37 virgins and a pound of meth (doesn't come in kilos, whew knew?) and, obviously, lower taxes. Then they lie and justify and blame the Democrats about each unfulfilled item time and time again but they keep our Buefords in the winning column time and time again because the people of Traditional Small Town Values are sticking it to the pointy-headed liberals and coloreds and Jews. Each election! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Kerry? Loser.
Gore? Loser.
Because the stupid losers tell everybody to register and vote. Duh. Here's a campaign freebee:
"Hey people. Ted Hathaway here. If you want more civil rights, a better environment, smarter kids, and the choice to have an abortion or not, register and vote on November 4, 2008.See? Pick a side and stick to it and play like you want to win, jeez! And lie to the competition. Because it's a competition, stupid. There will be winner and there will be a loser. Haven't you ever watched CBS's Big Brother?
If you believe that the earth is 6,000 years-old, that humans are direct decedents of Adam and Eve, and that blacks and other immigrants are the cause of all your problems then you can vote too. Your election is on November 11, 2009. Good luck with your teeth."
The Republicans rig elections, change laws to disenfranchise voters, and blow up skyscrapers (kidding!). All you morons have done was print lame bumber stickers like "01.20.09" and stuff. No matter what your forth grade soccer coach told you, we're not all winners. You thought Bush was bad?
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Mope Squad America! Archives
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