Mope Squad America! The Al & Lane Show

Want to read the best web log posting ever? It's not here. It's over at Blognigger. Go and read it. THIS ONE ---> (read it all, I'll wait): [clicky]

You're back...good. What the hell is going on with the Oakland Raiders?

Yeah, the Raiders are my football team. I know. You don't have to keep reminding me. I already know. When I was growing up in Los Angeles we had the Rams and then the Raiders moved to LA after the traitorous loser Rams moved to Anaheim then to St. Louis. So there's a reason and I'm sticking to (or "with") my team even though they're an embarrassing insult to professional football (yes, they moved too, but back to Oakland).

But, it's a weird scene where the team owner can write a resignation letter for the head coach to sign. Then the young head coach tells the owner -- his boss -- naw, I ain't signing that shit, you have to fire me, son. And the owner doesn't fire him. Then -- the next season -- the owner tells the young head coach that, "I'm onna fire you!" But he doesn't fire him. What. The. Fuck? Oh, and they even win a this league (well it was the Chiefs but they won a game).

Now, is Kiffen's "I ain't gonna quit!" a sticktoitiveness that an owner (and America) should admire or is it that the crazy bastard owner Al Davis just doesn't want to pay out the coach's contract if he fires him? And the coach knows it so he won't quit. And that becomes the "thing" about this team. And that "thing" comes to typify your team since its 48-21 ass-kicking at the hands of Tampa Bay in Super Bowl (tm) XXXVII (and former Raider head coach John Gruden who wanted out of Oakland even after going to the AFC championship the previous two years because Al Davis kept him as the lowest paid coach in the league so he went to Tampa).

Is intelligently stubborn Lane Kiffin actually Barack Obama?

Is grumpy, senile Al Davis really John McCain?

It's the craziest thing ever. Sample Oakland Tribune sports headline titles:

Blind eyes turned to this lunacy

Raiders' theater of absurd

Raiders new slogan: Just wince, baby

Raiders Coach Lane Kiffin has been told he'll be fired

Kiffin: 'No way I'm quitting'

I do not love the Oakland Raiders at all. In fact, I fucking hate them. But I'm never taking the Redskins even though I've lived here for 13 years now. And I'm never fully taking the Giants into my heart even though I was excited that they made my decade by beating the Patriots in this last 'Bowl (tm). So, I'm stuck with the Oakland Raiders. Which is some weird mob thing soap opera that still excites me when they win a game.

That makes me today's mope. Not 33-year-old Lane Kiffin (whom I like). Not 207-year-old Al Davis (just waiting for him to croak). But, me...I'm the mope.