Ask Ty...June 24

Q: Your teaser about the traffic ticket was great. But we all know what your doing, you want us to ASK for the punch line! So I'm asking: What was the magic Jedi Mind Trick you performed on the Statie to let you (almost) slide?

- Cass

Ty: Great question and an even better observation, Cass. Thanks for asking. You know me too well. There's always more. Always a bit of insult to injury. I love it when they beg for more.

Yeah, the County Mountie (as we call our Montgomery County police) who works the speed trap I forgot about yesterday was about as official (or officious) as they come. He called me "sir." He asked the year of my "Volkswagen vehicle." And mumbled a bunch of requisite stuff. It was cut and dry traffic stop except, and here's where the the Jedi Mind Trick began, he sensed absolutely no attitude from me. I copped not one ounce of 'tude. I was speeding, what the hell do I have to argue with the Mountie. In fact, he smelled not one whiff of fear, anxiety, or dread. I was cool. I wasn't on a phone. I wasn't mad. And that was the gift I gave to him. I owned that shit. I was speeding. I drive the lightest version of the VW/Audi 200 hp turbo package. It's going to go fast. That's why I drive it.

I agreed with all requests and information. I kept my hands on the steering wheel, I turned the hazards on and rolled both windows down. Stereo was off. I was a model stop. He informed me about my speed ("okay"), he informed me about the doubling of the fine ("okay"), and he told me about points ("okay" - whatever that means).

When my opening presented, I pounced. He asked, "Where is Hart Road?" I mentioned it was "right over there," pointing across the street. He says, "You should know about the limit here."


"Oh, I totally know about this zone, I see you out here all the time. I was trying to figure out why everyone on the other side of the street was driving so slowly. They were literally hanging out of the windows looking at me." Then I exaggeratedly demonstrated how people were warning me of the trap." I says, "By the time I read this one guy's lips...'s-p-e-e-d t-r-a-p'... there you were standing in front of me like you just beamed down from the Enterprise or something *bam!*"


He bursts out laughing and says, "Yeah, they were trying to warn you, I guess." He then pardoned himself and left. When he came back his affect was not officious. He had tilted his shades up to his forehead and spoke English as opposed to cop talk. He explained to me how he changed the ticket to 39 in a 30 sans doubling or points (whatever that means). He said something about that's the minimum he could cite and mumbled something about "already written and called in." I mean he had just, two minutes before, told me it was a $160 fine that doubled and had two points (whatever that means). He said that this was for "eighty bucks." He blabbed something about slowing down and told me to have a good one. I told him to be careful "beaming into the street like that." He said that he'd try. I have control of my charisma.

I'll tell you what though. I wouldn't even try Jedi Mind Trickery on a Statie (the State Highway Authority Police). They don't take crap from anyone. I would have been searched and probably jailed. B would be in foster care.

Story to the moral: CRACK!

Carefully learn and know your audience
React to openings
Accept invitation to pounce
Cease pouncing if it ain't working
Keep pouncing if it is
Just a guess,