This Left Hand

This is my left hand.

This left hand has served me well for over 43 years. It was bread and butter throughout the 1980s. This left hand has touched numerous things organic and inorganic.

This left had can play musical instruments, it can type, and it can hold a camera sort of steady. This left hand has biked, dribbled a basketball, and it has driven at over 100 miles per hour. This left hand loves holding the right hand of my daughter.

See that tape on those two knuckles? That's all that keeps my left hand from experiencing excruciating pain. It does nothing for the ongoing pain though (because that always hurts now), but it keeps me from over-flexing my left thumb and index distal phalanges. Seriously, if I bend those knuckles in my sleep, the shooting ("cutting" is probably the better word) pain will wake me. When I bend those knuckles a stabbing pain shoots up my arm. It hurts so badly.

It's gotten to the point to where buttoning my jeans or tying my shoe requires an alternative finger workaround. Doesn't hurt to type but it sucks to hold a fretboard.

It's an odd pain, nothing like I've ever felt. I mention the word "cutting" before. If I bend those knuckles to far, it feels as if a razor blade (safety blade of course) is cutting into the respective knuckle at about a 45 degree angle from, specifically, from the pinkie side of the hand. It's that specific.

I know what you're saying, "Why don't you go see a doctor, dumbass?" I know, I know...but I have to find the right person. My general practitioner/cardiologist doesn't know bones. I've been warned that orthopedic physicians are notorious cutters. I don't think it's rheumatism given there is no inflammation and the pain isolated to two knuckles. I'm sure they'll say some dumb shit like my opthamologist says with every concern I raise, "Welcome to middle-age, ho-ho...!" Fuck you (speaking of which, this left hand has shot countless the fingers).

But, that's the update. FYI.