Quit Frontin': You Do Not Have To Drive Like That

Nee-grow please! Pull your seat up into something approaching a feasible and reasonable and seated car driving position. I'm not talking about a proper driving position nor do I speak of even a safe driving position. I'm only talking about a driving position that allows you to drive a motherfucking car.


I was rolling shotty in my homie Ross-Rone's Caddy (modified CTS-V, check that) the other day and I had to do a double take when I peeped into the car next to us. We were on the freeway but there was mad traffic b/c of an accident that blocked some lanes.

I didn't see a driver in the car next to us! It appeared as is if we were driving next to some kind of futuristic self-driving car from The Jetsons or Sleeper or some shit. It looked like three passengers riding in a car without a fucking driver at all! It looked like some people were chilling in their living room around a hookah or something. I was surprised. I had to look again and more closely.

So I looked again and more closely and noticed that the driver was basically laying down. In a car. The driver! My mind went crazy for a sec. And he was totally serious too. He wasn't fishing his phone from his front pocket or anything. I didn't think you could drive with a body cast. But that was how he decided to drive a motherfucking car today. His seat had to have been fully reclined. Like I said, he was totally serious; looked all "hard' and shit. But, and get this, his posse was totally fine with it too. This is how they rode in a car today...with the driver in a sleeping position and it was cool.

You cannot drive a car lying down. I swear you can't. You cannot see over the dash or hood. You cannot see the road ahead of you. You cannot even reach the fucking steering wheel and the pedals at the same time unless you're very tall like Manute Bol. And you know what? It does not look cool--at all. It is not Keeping It Real. It is not an easier way to drive a car. It looks totally foolish and it has to be very hard work to just drive the thing with any control at all but I wouldn't know because I would never drive a motherfucking car like that. Not because I'm cooler experiential either. No. It simply does not work. I am not a gibbon. My arm length has limits. I don't want to die in a car wreck because I love living a life that is not dead.

You can save your ghetto acrobatics for hat wearing or basketball shoes but drive like you kind of mean it. Drive like you're headed to KFC or someone promised you head and refer. Drive serious!

I swear, I'm not one of those PC "baby on board" hippies but I swear because fools like you are driving motherfucking cars on the freeway, my life is in danger.

How is it cool to drive while lying down? Answer me that. Quit frontin'!