"We talked about Wooten possibly pulling over one of my kids to frame them, like throwing a bag of dope in the back seat just to frame a Palin."
-First Dude Todd (from testimony that Troopergate nonsense)
Todd's a stoner. Already laying his defense. I was framed! Bitch set me up!
I have to say, as much as I despise Sarah Palin, I have nothing against Todd Palin. Seems like a dude. I figure he gets regular sex from his big titty wife, anal twice a year, smokes a ton of dope, loves his kids, likes to hang out outdoors.
Whenever he's in a shot with Sarah, he seems to be saying to himself, "This is one fucking amazing headtrip, dude. Don't blow it."
And I don't think he gives a shit if she gets elected. He wins either way. In fact, he's probably better off if she loses. Then he gets tons of consolation sex, gets to stay in Alaska, and gets to keep smoking his dope. If she's VP, I bet he stays in Alaska.
Back to me from Middlespace Industries (heavy art manufacturing):
Ha! You have a very, very good point here. First, let me say, Todd is already the King of Alaska. He rules with an iron fist and a barracuda. It's like when you were a kid and playing with sand castles at the beach of GI Joe or some shit. That was your kingdom. You ruled that universe. You were omnipotent.
Todd Palin is basically Vladimir Putin. Putin reared his head one morning and went, "What? Why am I president of this dump? This is way too much work and exposure. I'll get one of my boys to mind the tiller and I'll just go off and do my thing...as the new Prime Minister!" Todd Palin is V. Putin. That makes Sarah Palin Dmitry Medvedev. I'm not going to spoon-feed you on this (it works). But trust me, Todd is running shit in Alaska.
For a while Todd probably believed that John McCain would win this thing and he probably had fantasies of becoming the new King of America! Look at his face. Todd would make a terrific and benevolent king of America. But, I'm certain there came a time when he was smoking up with the buds and he realized something. I bet he was all, "Sheeeiiit! This might totally suck, dude. People would be all up in my shit 24/7. I'd have to fly between DC and Wasilla all the damn time. Thanks but no thanks. Secret Service ain't gonna let me smoke out in the limo."
But if she loses? That's her loss. He could always claim they--the goofy Republican socialists--just didn't listen to him on the important issues. Todd Palin knows.
Todd should open a huge badass megachurch in Anchorage. He'd have Sarah minister; doing all the heavy lifting. Todd would reap the bounty of all the ass, grass, and cash the King of Alaska can handle.
Nope. I can't hate on the Todd-dude. I bet he's fun as hell to hang out with.
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