Ask Ty...October 14

It must be Tuesday, Middlespacers, because I'm answering your questions

: Ty,
What do you make of these numbers?

Taxed Medicare Earnings

1986 $1,540



- Flo

Ty: Good question and an even better observation, Flo.

Speaking of numbers, Flo. I don't know if my Dodgers crapped the bed in last night (NLCS Game 4) or if the Phillies simply have some series-winning magic combo working. You know the combination I speak of, sports fans: Hot, loose, emotional, lucky, and injury free. And I'm not harshing the Phillies by factoring luck into the formula, but in sports (and baseball in particular) you are susceptible to conditions and situations beyond your direct control.

You know what the difference is between being 2-2 in a series versus being 3-1? That difference is the start date of your vacation. Plenty of Dodger wives are burning up travel agent cell phones right now. If I have to wait another 20 years for an LA World Series (tm) win [this is the emotion of the true fan coming out], I'll only be 63 years-old. That's not so bad. That gives me a two-year expiration date coushin. And the Phillies are good, too. I don't even hate them. I hope they kick the crap out of the...Rays? [The network must be stressed at the possibility of a Rays-Phillies series versus the possibility of Boston-LA] But win or lose, I still represent the 213.

Anyway, Flo. About your numbers.... Is the presidential campaign still in progress? Jesus, huh? Just so you know, I really don't have anything else to say on this. There's only one decision left to make and that's what time should I go to the polls? Here's your "official" Middlespace Industries presidential endorsement: Duh! That is it. The word, "duh!" That's my full endorsement.

I mean, people still ask me who I'm voting for. It's like, what? As in, what the hell am I doing wrong in my life that people would even think I was going to vote for John McCain/Sarah Palin over Barack Obama? Do people think that is even possible? Really? Because, what, I'm going to vote for a crazy old war monger more-of-the-same suit and his dim-witted talking puppet racist Jesus mom? Uh, no. How could anyone--friend or stranger--even make that question slip past their lips?

Barack Obama is basically a bad ass version of me. Better stated, Barry is what I could have only hoped to have been given our similar backgrounds. And I love me.

On Barry Oh!® :
#1: Barry Oh!® is smart. In terms of sheer intellect he's pretty close to Clinton (Bill or Hillary). He happens to be the only professor of constitutional law in the bunch. Cheers.

#2: Barry Oh!® is the mixed-race son of poverty. And that pretty much locks in my vote right there. I don't even need any more information. Why? I totally get him. He totally gets me. Done!

#3: Barry Oh!® is cool. You know it. I know it. Everybody, everywhere knows it. The GOP knows it.

#4: Barry Oh!® understands The Big Picture. He thinks more like a world leader than a city, county, state, or country leader. The future is not just about us anymore. The future is about us. It is a definition adjustment and a complete paradigm implosion. This is a re-boot for the people of Earth. Think on that.

#5: Barry Oh!® actually believes what he says. Right or wrong at least he has the conviction to believe what he says. And that's meaningful.
I think we should all embrace this re-boot. We should all participate in the opportunities that only a paradigm shift could offer. We, as Americans, have had many opportunity and most have been squandered (9/11 anybody?). We all, every one of us, should take a look at and readjust ourselves to be the very best we can be for ourselves and for everyone else. And that doesn't mean we cannot continue to be mean and vindictive and hateful. That's human nature. But we can also harness a very small untapped percentage of human brain power to do something different. Something rad.

I'm not saying everybody should aspire to the Presidency, because not everybody is qualified for the gig (as we've so clearly seen in Sarah Palin). But if you think you're the best TeeVee watcher, then I implore you to fucking max that shit out, yo! Watch TeeVee like a mo-fo. Find a way to not sleep and watch all the TeeVee you can. If you play the spoons as a hobby and you feel "born to" play those spoons...then play your spoons! Write spoon symphonies.

We'll see what happens. November 5th could either be the darkest day or the brightest day in modern humankind. I think people instinctively know right from wrong. Let's just hope people behave in a manner that reduces their cognitive dissonance. It is actually possible. So, yeah, Barack Obama. And unless something ridiculous comes up, I'm about done with the politics here.

So your numbers, Flo. Uh, the year 2000 must have been pretty fun. No, wait! 1999 was the best year given a sudden doubling in salary. Unless you were too busy working to spend it on goods and services. But 2003? Once again eating pork 'n beans in a hobo camp.

Just a guess,


Postscript: Oh and this is funny. You'll figure out how it works: [clicky]


Ask Ty... Archive: [clicky]