Wednesday

Your Logic Defies, Or, You People Are Creeping Me Out


So I see there are over 600,000 people who have signed up for this Facebook thingy:
"DEAR LORD, THIS YEAR YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTOR, PATRICK SWAYZIE. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTRESS, FARAH FAWCETT. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE SINGER, MICHAEL JACKSON. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE PRESIDENT IS BARACK OBAMA. AMEN"
Really? You want the President dead? Whoa! Praying for it even. Well, I'll tell you first: that's pretty fucking crazy, patriots. What kind of kook-jobs are you anyway?

No matter what a destructive dimwit W Bush was (or how dangerous his cronies and policies were) I never once (ever) wished the guy dead because that's not only crazy it's treasonous. I just didn't vote for him and discussed, debated, and argued with my fellow voting citizens the reasons why. But never once did I hope the guy was dead. Not W, his father, the horrid Reagan, or the criminal Nixon. In fact, of all the liberal doo-good-niks I know, I cannot think of anyone who wished those United States presidents dead.

Ironic bumper stickers or snarky columns? Sure. A well attended rally? That's your right. Exercise your legal vote? Don't vote for the guy. Wish a fellow humans dead? Never thought of that one, ese. What kind of a sicko loonies are you? You're now in the same category as Mark David Chapman, John Hinckley, and Saddam Hussein. Look in a mirror.

Please switch to capitalist corporation Starbucks™ decaf for a while and chill the hell out. Did you even think about what you were clicking with this Facebook thing? Socialist? America will continue to be a non-socialist, market society long past our individual lifespans. We currently have historically low taxes and crime and somehow there's this magic problem that the magic new president created all on his magic own and you malleable lemmings now pray the dude dead? That's creepy as hell. Your logic defies.

Oh, you were joking about all this dying business. I get it now. It's...your kind of...humor. You're the cool, dark humor kids. Look, I don't agree with all of any administrations decisions or philosophies nor am I a Republican or a Democrat, but I'm also not wishing anybody dead. And I'm not joking about it either because it's rude, disrespectful, and just immature. Those tri-cornered hats are giving you brain damage. Or, maybe that Don't Tread On Me snake bit you a few times too many.

Or, as I surmise, you're being tricked. Whipped into some sort of fake outrage by people a hell of a lot smarter than you. Not Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh. They're merely silly mouthpiece puppets who perform like dancing monkeys for peanuts. I'm talking about Karl (ironic), Grover, and Dick (ironic); the real fat cats making the calls. Remember, Libertarians don't trust the Republicans either. They all suck but I don't want them dead, not even Cheney.

I'm telling you, Luther, you people are creeping me out. Your talkin' crazy and I'm now excusing myself from the table.

You folks need to breathe. Relax. Try a chamomile tea and watch "Minute To Win It" or some shit. Take up watercolors.

Good thing it's not about race. Damn.