Ask Ty...February 23 [The T.C. Question]

It must be Tuesday, Middlespace Cadets, because I'm answering your questions
Q: Dear Ty,

Will you be the T.C. to my Magnum?

(Honestly you don't have to answer this but it came to me tonight when I was doing dishes)

- Grayman

Ty: Good question and an even better observation, Grayman. Actually I had to look this one up because I never watched that TeeVee series. I'm plenty old enough to have watched the entire run, but it wasn't my bag, man. I was more into comedy and documentary at that time. Good question though because I've never encountered such a direct proposition. An even better observation because of our respective physical traits.

I mean, I guessed what the question was all about. Magnum P.I. was played by Tom "The White Guy" Selleck's mustache and T.C. was his trusty black sidekick. Doy, that's us, right? I can imagine that when you're doing the dishes and that apron is a bit tight and constricting your breathing and you get to thinking of me you see us in this kind of "buddy film" fashion like Lethal Weapon and Cop Out. I get it. Good guy partners solving crimes and mysteries throughout the world like Bill Cosby and Robert Culp. Awwww...how quaint.

But what I had to research on, Grayman, were the specifications of your question because I just didn't know the characters. I suspect your query has more to do with masculine adventure hi-jinx T.C. and Thomas encountered from episode to episode than some sort of homo-erotic desire to become somewhat even "closer" to me in a tropical setting sipping drinks from coconuts with tiny decorative umbrellas. Not that there's anything wrong with that (doy) because love is love. I know you believe me to be an irresistible and solid partner ready for 9 out of 10 missions. I'll shoot an elderly paraplegic woman priest to save you from harm, pal. Right in her evil-doing throat just like we practice at the small arms range. We'll always be cool like that.

So, sure, if you really want to be a drifter-loser-burnout-alcoholic an ex-military hero with a 1970's porn industry mustache who lives in a bungalow on some rich dude's property (apparently Magnum "owes" the rich guy something) and does "private investigations" for him while I get to be the sober burly black helicopter Mandingo angel, then...uh, well sure, Grayman. I'll be the T.C. to your Magnum.

I do. In Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, and Vermont (and kind of in California and Hawaii, home of Magnum and T.C. - 4evr).

What?! Why I always gotta be the fucking black dude in these movies? Why I even gotta be considered as the fucking side kick? Fuck that shit. I'd push Thomas Magnum's sorry ass out of my helicopter for non-payment. That dude was a total bum, clearly.

Okay, if let's play movie character doppelganger. If anyone, I'm playing Link from The Mod Squad. Maybe, if I have to be a cop, just maybe I'll play Alonzo from Training Day. But maybe I'd play fucking Vincent Vega rockin' that UC Santa Cruz Banana Slug t-shirt in Pulp Fiction. Yes, Vincent "the white guy" Vega not Jules "the black guy" Winfield. Both performances were brilliant but Travolta got top billing.

How bout this, Grayman: Will you be the Jules Winfield to my Vince Vega?

I've never played sidekick and I ain't starting now.

Just a guess,

-ty Vince V.