I posted the following tweet-like thought on Facebook yesterday (and on Twitter today): "Tej Hada believes the brain/mind is as much a prison as it is an escape." As much as this was what I was thinking at the time, the posting--as with all postings of every kind every where--was a bit of a fishing expedition. You know for as much as you fucking lie to yourself and others and justify on a stack of bibles about your "art" being a personal statement and that you care little about how it's received, you throw shit out there for one simple reason: a response.
Hello?! I'm here! Look at meeeeeeeee!
What I caught ranged from the neutral to the funny to the attempted one-up. Fine. There was discussion of suicide and talk of drama. But the best interaction was with my friend, Seymour, who sent me an emailing with the subject line: Wanna Freak Yourself Out?
Well, doy? Who doesn't want to freak him or herself out anymore, right Frank? This is an experiential existence after all. Seymour's emailing contained a link to an internet Personality Disorder Test. You know the type: "...meant to help determine whether or not you have a personality disorder. It is not meant to be used as a diagnostic tool, but rather as a tool to give you insight into a potential disorder that may be having a negative impact on your life." Blah-blah-blah...with instructions to "be honest! This test is completely anonymous, so please be honest otherwise you will not get the proper results." Like 70 or so questions.
Here: [clicky] Give it a whirl, Chico.
I took it three times. Here are my results:
So what do you notice?
First, back to the emailings (for context):
Tej: Here're my three. Doesn't freak me out because I figure I can juice these things to give whatever result is desired. I was ace at manipulating the MMPI in grad school (remember, social psychologist by training).
Seymour: I knew you could, they are pretty obvious in steering. Regardless, I did it 3 times throughout today, trying to be honest about it, I was shocked at how my opinion changed each time. I'd say it's wrong in a lot of ways, the questions were too vague, but still freaked me out...one thing's for sure, paranoid schizo antisocial narcissistic avoidant ocd... all this is making me want to pursue psychological training more deeply. I'm off to the MMPI, we'll see...
Tej: Yeah, that one's pretty obvious and vague. But it's a screener. In the hands of a shrink, however, it's a powerful (and dangerous) tool.
Of course I juice it to be high narcissistic, ocd, avoidant because i want to be narcissistic, ocd, avoidant.
Seymour: No doubt, the shrink can read body language, etc... I was just looking at the new MMPI-2, it's nuts. Dunno if it's legit (seem to keep it under lock and key), but i found one here.
I'm dying to take it for real now, just need a guarantee nobody will take me away afterwards.
Seymour: I knew you could, they are pretty obvious in steering. Regardless, I did it 3 times throughout today, trying to be honest about it, I was shocked at how my opinion changed each time. I'd say it's wrong in a lot of ways, the questions were too vague, but still freaked me out...one thing's for sure, paranoid schizo antisocial narcissistic avoidant ocd... all this is making me want to pursue psychological training more deeply. I'm off to the MMPI, we'll see...
Tej: Yeah, that one's pretty obvious and vague. But it's a screener. In the hands of a shrink, however, it's a powerful (and dangerous) tool.
Of course I juice it to be high narcissistic, ocd, avoidant because i want to be narcissistic, ocd, avoidant.
Seymour: No doubt, the shrink can read body language, etc... I was just looking at the new MMPI-2, it's nuts. Dunno if it's legit (seem to keep it under lock and key), but i found one here.
I'm dying to take it for real now, just need a guarantee nobody will take me away afterwards.
So what do you notice about my results, huh? Nothing jumps out at you?
Right, there are no fucking patterns. There's nothing to fucking jump out. Not because I juiced the results for any particular reason or outcome [lie]. I just answered the questions based on how I felt at the time [lie]. Honestly [lie].
True, it's a screener and a "professional" could use it as such to see if someone is in crises or whatever, but most important is that I believe if I took it 10 more times (which might make the most sense) I'd still probably have little to no pattern (except for narcissism, doy! [true]).
Why? Because:
1) Personality testing is totally goddamn motherfucking subjective, that's why. Psychological screening is much like figure skating scores. The Russian whore could give you a 5.3 and your ass ends up in Bellevue for a "mandatory observation period." Or Judge USA could smile down upon you and give you a 9.8 and you could then go shoot up the McDonalds. Nobody knows.
2) There's no truth here. There's no such thing as absolute truth. Look at the questions (I'll wait...). You could answer each question differently each time you read it because you may be IN a subtly different context each time you read it or, you could be relying on a different historical context each time you attempt to answer. Think about it. Some examples:A) Do consider yourself having a strong love for approval and praise?
First you have to personally operationalize the word "strong." Next you have to define and contextualize "approval" and "praise." Lastly, you have to do what I consider is absolutely normal, you have to contextualize what the questioner/questionnaire is getting at and then you answer accordingly.
I mean, Jesus, we all have needs, right? We all need to have praise showered on us constantly else we get mean and the voices come, right? Stupid non-diagnostic tool!
B) Do you always feel the need to have a story to tell?
Well, maybe not always, but shit I do have a story so maybe I do... er, maybe I don't because they'll think I'm crazy. I mean we all have important and necessary stories to constantly tell. Well, my story is important though.
C) Do you tend to lie a lot?
Anyone answering "no" is a goddamn liar. Guaranteed. Lying is as human as boners and farts [true].
I'm not crazy! I'm sane and normal! If you don't agree...you're the fucking crazy one! I'm just a low avoidant, moderately antisocial, narcissist (who got dragged into this whole twitter BS like I got dragged into the podcast business (don't click the picture), you know...since I need more compulsions and addictions).
[Friday on TBB: A Self-help Guide to Workplace Masturbation]
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