What It Is All About: I Am The Knot

I’ve always believed that a time would come in life when things would begin to make some sense. Not that late teen, early twenties brand of omnipotent morality that is less knowledge than simple brain development; a naturally occurring re-setting of parameters. What may feel like discovery may merely be the unconscious acknowledgment of a new baseline that is significantly different from that in the eight year-old brain. That’s why twenty-somethings are so goddamned annoying; all knowing everything without knowing anything.

But surely many of us enter our mid-to-late twenties and realize that we really don’t know shit yet. This particular revelation can be as relieving to some as it is frightening to others. “Oh, there’s actually so much more” vs. “This is it?!” This may be the first significant turning point individuals face in our modern, western existence. A turning point that may shape lives productive or destructive.

The great shame here, of course, is the “untimely death.” No that the “they died so young” means anything more than they hadn’t even had the opportunity to figure anything out yet. Shameful, huh? To basically die without context makes us all so sad.

I’m guessing that our cognitive re-booting occurs every decade or so beginning at age eight or 10. I’d argue on the eights (like the traffic and weather) since there is a keen reality on the cusp of events that creates a predictable letdown when said event arrives. We tend to over-hype, over-think, and over-prepare for things to death anymore. That's why I’d bet more people get face lifts at 48 years of age than at 50. So now they can never, ever look 50. Right?

So what does this have to do with me, you ask? Right, this is a web log or some dumb self-serving, mode-of-zero crap; so I have to make a connection. The awareness. How we reveal our histories along our developmental lifespan. What?

So, me: First thing you could know is I’ve always had a drive to—a knack for tweaking a certain clarity out of situations even if it means changing the paradigm to make the clarity happen. Generally this “context jacking” is for personal gain or pleasure (for good or bad). Nothing malicious usually, but ease (leisure) and chaos (intellectual stimulation) hold some interest. Plus I’ve been able to reinvent as necessary and with little difficulty, for the most part. This usually results in the granting of some sort of power or decision-making authority that expands opportunity (kingdom). A chameleon’s adaptability is, after all, a survival characteristic. And advanced intelligence is an endearing and beneficial evolutionary trait.

So here I am. And I’m thinking again. I’m just over the hump making me 42 and one-half years old. I now realize that I possess some knowledge and I have some experience. I have some talents and I know talented people. But, I now clearly realize that I have nowhere near the talent, knowledge, or cognitive facility that I want. Not “need,” but “want.” I have plenty of tricks to keep me alive and well, but there’s something more I desire. No silly-ass “enlightenment” or “spirituality” or "revitalized youth" or "discovery" crap or anything, but simply access to more information that leads to an even better understanding of self, of others and of situations. We all want to see through the knots. I want to feel as if I am the knot.

I’ve never been comfortable being described as "musician" or "artist" because terms are limiting. Think about it. I’ve never been satisfied with the ease of the (directed and wholly intentional) “weird charisma.” I don’t want nor need a cult following. People should never ask What Would Ty Do? One, they’d only be fools to believe that they could answer that question for me and, two, the somethings I do do are quickly and now automatically processed to result in outcomes that may only mean something (perhaps very little) to very few. Output honed into instinct, perhaps reflex to perplex. The suggested “panel discussions” to “figure me out” would be a waste of my time and you'd discover (maybe post hoc) that your time was not wisely utilized as well.

So? How long can my modus operandi continue? Ha! Hells if I know. It’s what I do; it’s how I do it. No questions taken, no comments solicited. I don't know any better. For as long as I've been aware, this is the way it works. Yet, I fear it will not work that way forever. There's a lot of fear in fearlessness, friends.

Creator? Producer? Prophet? Just words. Kind words, but just words nonetheless. But if you follow closely enough, you just might gain insight. Insight into what I'm thinking about and insight into yourself (since you think too). Perhaps you'll gain access to more information that leads to an even better understanding of self, of others and of situations. That's all.

Is there joy? There are times when my products provide some short-lived self-satisfaction, but for the most part outcomes are like the wind, and goals are like our globally warmed weather; logical and sensible transitions elude. But, what is joy?

So what’s the point? Something to do before we I die I suppose (like getting you read to the end of this post). Which, I might argue, is the ultimate point.

Chapter 5ive is around the corner.

The end.