Ask Ty...July 23 [A Racist Thursday Question]

It must be Tuesday, Middlespace Cadets, because I'm answering your questions
Q: Dear Ty,

I was sitting on the toilet, playing Scrabble, minding my own business when opportunity struck; I laid down the tiles to spell out "Jews" - (and it was a triple word score!) only to be rejected and told that word was not in the dictionary. They allow "fag", mind you.

What gives?

Ty: Good question and an even better observation, :). What gives? What gives is the name you chose to ask an Ask Ty question with, :). An emoticon? For reals? I got to type a damn emoticon over and over? Who are you, Prince? What gives is right, with your crazy colon-closed parenthesis (CCCP). See? You can try to make me type a damn emoticon over and over but I ain't going to type an emoticon over and over, CCCP.

OK, you were what? You were playing the crossword puzzle game, Scrabble® (choose USA, Canada, and their respective territories), whilst on the toilet? Why on earth did you even tell me that? How is that part relevant? What I envision is the Scrabble® board atop your lap with the folding part going perpendicular to your thighs so it doesn't fold upon itself and tiles slide into the toilet.

Forget Ask Ty... let's ask CCCP how you play Scrabble® on the damn toilet? How do you not have tiles littered all up and down your hallway? What do you have, some sort of intestinal disorder where you basically live on the toilet? Do you keep Scrabble® already set up in the bathroom? And, lastly, who the hell are you playing against? Who is playing a board game with you in the bathroom with you, CCCP? You have a gimp or something?

Let me get this straight so I can even begin answering your Racist Thursday™ question: You were playing Scrabble® while on the toilet and you tried to spell a word, "Jews," and your opponent told you it wasn't a legit word and actually had a dictionary that said that word wasn't legit? But somehow another word, "fag," was in that dictionary and you're like all mad so you write and ask me to be Marriage Ref about it, CCCP?

What dictionary did your inflexible toilet Scrabble® playing partner bring to your bathroom? Merriam-Webster maybe? I'm going to check the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 1980 edition because I'm old school. This is like six-pound book which contains 1,550 pages of words that I am not dragging into the bathroom so I can play Scrabble® with a person with gastro-intestinal distress. That's so fucking disgusting, CCCP!

Oh, wait, I don't even need to look in the dictionary because I've played Scrabble® before and I've lived on earth for almost 45 years and I went to elementary school and I already know that "Jews" is a word (whether in your friends shit-room dictionary or not) that can not be used in a shit-room board game of Scrabble® because it beings with a capital letter. The "J" in Jews, dog. C'mon. Words that are spelled with a capital letter cannot be used in the crossword game of Scrabble®, CCCP. Like EVERYbody knows that.

I don't know how they play in prison or in Russia, comrade, but in the USA, Canada, and their respective territories, we cannot use "Jews" and that's not racist nor Thursday. Point goes to your bathroom Scrabble® gimp, CCCP.

Doy! What am I, a rabbi now?

Just a guess,