RMOK - "Dogshit Plastic Dude"

So I was working in the kitchen this morning. Nothing unusual for me even though the studio is downstairs. I enjoy listening to the a.m. funny-stuff radio and drinking coffee while starting my day. So I was in the kitchen this morning, in the bay window, watching the joggers, the moms, and the dog walkers.

I notice a guy, thirty-ish, yuppish dude I've seen but whom I don't know. He's walking a little white moppy dog--you know the yappy, lap dog type--and he stopped in front of my neighbor's house and started fiddling with their newspaper, the Washington Post (see above). I was thinking that he was going to do the neighborly thing and toss it up on their porch like a lot of a.m. walkers do. Nope. He ripped a piece of the plastic bag off and left the paper there just slightly more susceptible to the rain, of course.

So I repositioned myself to see what the hell he was doing. The dude proceeded to wipe his yappy, lap dog's ass! Turns out that there was some shit stuck to its fur. I guess he didn't want that on his precious carpet or something. The fact that he had no poop bag with him probably meant he let the damn thing shit in front of someone else's house and left it there (you'll see why I say this, but mostly we have horrible dog walkers, there's more dogshit on the sidewalk than Paris). So this guy wipes the dog's ass. Right there in front of my home, he wipes a dog's ass with a hunk of plastic bag. Then, get this, then he drops the plastic directly atop my other neighbor's plant (see below). Right on top like that's perfectly his right. Didn't try to hide it or anything. Right on top like that's the acceptable pet owner thing to do. A piece of dogshit plastic bag right on top of my neighbor's plant. Honestly, I don't know what pissed me off more: the polyethylene litter or the dogshit. No, it was his audacity and entitlement that pissed me off the most. Dude dropped it there and kept walking like it was just no thing. At all. Norms of the New America.

Well I bum rushed the door and shouted, "Hey!" Dude didn't turn around. Seriously, he pretended he didn't hear me. For real, if you're walking your dog and someone shouts, loudly and suddenly, in this neighborhood, you turn around because it's startling and we have people who steal guns, Lordy! So I totally know he was trying to bail. So I gave it a personal touch with, "Hey, dog dude! Dogshit plastic dude! I'm talking to you!" He slowly turned around and, grinning, says, "Sorry, man." Yes, I called him "Dogshit plastic dude."

"No you're not. You're not sorry at all. You did that on purpose, dude. Pick your dogshit plastic up like a responsible pet owner. Fuck!" And he did too. And quickly scurried away.

I mean, what the hell, right? This is not how we act, people. The part that made me most mad was his lame "sorry, man" nonsense. Forget audacity, it was his pretending to ignore me and the situation he created followed by his lame no-game apology.

I trust he won't be walking that yappy mop on a certified RMOK block anymore.