"Roscoe Hatchethandla" by Tyrus Shankaneck

Untitled #99

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner

Evolution

Evolution

The Otter Prince

DJ Rev. Richey Scratchy

Rickey Retard, brother of Todd Retard

Dickie Luther Powell

Rickey Powell (Berkeley)

Happy birthday, suckkah. Thanks for being partners in this game for 14 years. If we had a baby back then, it would be a retarded Swiss cat teenager by now.

A short story of sorts:

Ty: "Why is it we always think Rickey's birthday is on the 3rd?"
Wife: "We?! It's on the 4th. I've always known that."
Ty: "Well it's on the calendar as the 3rd."
Wife: "Because you put it on the calendar on the 3rd every year."
Ty: "Weird, I wonder why I do that."
Wife: "I just thought it was one of your 'things'." [finger quotes on "things"]

Doy, click those pictures, people! Don't you even get a thing by now? And while you're clicking on your mouse pads, click:

Otterfarm
Otter Meat
Middlespace Sounds
Middlespaced

This game never lets up!

Ask Ty...March 3 [The Internet Etiquette Question]

It must be Tuesday Wednesday, Middlespace Cadets, because I'm answering your questions

Q: Dear Ty,

If you like what someone says on the Internet and use the "FTW" meaning "For The Win" is the opposite true?

Can I shit on what someone said by saying "FTL" meaning "For The Loss"?

-Paulzy

Ty: Good question and an even better observation, Paulzy. Yes, "FTW" has been the go-to top-tier compliment on the Interwebs for some time now; for at least two whole years. In fact, I believe my grandmother uses it now...on Friendster...in heaven.

There are FTW variants such as "FTMFW" and "FTATW" and "3-2-1 FTW!" All good. All old. Stale like Subway's bread at 5:30 in the afternoon.

Unfortunately, Paulzie, ""FTL" meaning "For the Loss"" has never gained the popularity of FTW. I don't know why, perhaps the FTL meme was played-out by the time the kids even started using FTL. Played like flying toasters on a "screen saver." You remember. It was over before it begun.

But to the foundational crux of your question, Paulzie, what is a good way to "shit on" someone on the intertubes nowadays; what is the top-tier, A-list, contemporary interweb diss?

Let's see, looking around, here are a couple to try:

There's the classic long Web log post comment diss: tldr (too long, didn't read) but that's getting old too.

There's the anon hipster end-all diss: You suck! (like I said, classic!). "You suck!" never goes out of style.

The copy cat landmine hipster end-all diss: I'm so sorry you suck. Makes the author defensive. Not very funny though. More sardonic than anything.

The late night princess phone goodbye: No you hang up first. "No YOU!"

The wayback machine diss: I thought Yahoo! took Geocities down, my bad.

The snarky judgment I: FAIL!

The snarky judgment II: This was almost funny. Definitely not a compliment.

The passive-aggressive racist: So typical ghetto people. Oh, there's much more racist too.

The Epic Beard Man: I told you not to fuck with me!

The sarcastic Borat®: High five!

The computer tweeker threat-diss: I know where you live.

And, the Ty Hardaway special: UNSUBSCRIBE

See, you can say just about any damn thing on the Interfaithwebs you want. So, sure, "FTL" is fine. It ain't necessarily snarky, but it's acceptable (if you're over 50 I suppose). Put it this way, I wouldn't use it. But I'm sure someone out there is still typewriting "LOL" or "lulz" or "LMAO" and stuff. I bet people still typing that stuff are still calling it The Facebook and The Google, amirite?

Tell you what. Since this post was so goddamn shitty you too can have at it in the comment section and we can group-school Paulzie on The Internet Diss Etiquettes.

Just a guess,

-ty

Mariya

Merry Otter Christmas (Eve)

since i historically celebrate the otter birth on 3.4
clicky image to activate time machine

Don't Tell

Spring! It's Official - Random Gift-Gifting Season

So I was sitting at my kitchen table staring at the computer-laptop-machine thinking, where will this day take me? How come I'm so hideous? Why does it hurt so much? When the substitute postman drives up an chucks a package on my doorstep. Lo and fuck-wow behold! A package. I'm like a dog left alone sometimes...it's a wonder I didn't bark at the substitute postman.

Eagerly and full of curiosity I ran out, dragged the large-but-lightweight box into my kitchen and tore it open. Lookie here! It's The Mollusk on aqua green vinyl. Oh shit! From Rickey Powell (Berkeley)! Rickey Powell (Berkeley) is amazing! Thank you Rickey Powell (Berkeley).

You other people could learn a thing or two about random gift-gifting, okay?! Today was rad enough when Manniyer Marcos visited for half the morning (no-gift-giving-SOB). But this...this...this is priceless gifting (especially given that February was brutal).

So now I'm down in the dark studio listening to The Mollusk on aqua green vinyl very loudly on speakers staring at the computer-laptop-machine thinking, where will this day take me? How come I'm so hideous? Why does it hurt so much?

I mean, like damn, it's Rickey Powell (Berkeley)'s birthday on Wednesday Thursday and all I got for him was a lousy t-shirt. I am such a bad ROI-friend. But thanks Rickey Powell (Berkeley)! Thanks for The Mollusk on aqua green vinyl and thank you for leading the random gift-gifting parade by example.