Ask Ty...November 11 [The Alone vs. Loneliness Question]

It must be Tuesday, Middlespacers, because I'm answering your questions
Q: Dear Ty,

How do you balance time to yourself with not being lonely? I'm happy to have the space to do what I want but man, sometimes I want someone to share it with.

-Lonely But Not Alone

Ty: Good question and an even better observation, LBNA.

Hear that, LBNA? Quiet, huh? Too quiet. Scary quiet. No music. No people. No sounds except the clicking of the keyboard. It is definitely space to do what I want. It is also a very lonely quiet. In fact, I very well may be the very worst person to answer this question. Sure, I have found/been granted the space to get much creative work accomplished (my life's work), but I am also perhaps the loneliest person I know.

Maybe it's the price one pays to have the space to be able to do their work. Maybe it's what happens when the storm surge of perceived rejections, slights, and insecurity envelops. Maybe it is for the best. Who's to say? What do I know? Nothing, that's what.

To not go completely apeshit nuts I do have a group of very lovely, very smart, and very creative friends whom I depend on for support and artistic stimulation. I have my family. I have my community. I have my cat. I am comforted in the fact that, for the most part, I can reach out for my needs. And I attempt to be available for the needs of others.

And, yes, what is a life if one cannot share it? Or, be a person with whom someone else shares. Perhaps, LBNA, you've just asked the very question that cuts to all essence.
I guess one key is taking full advantage of having the space to do what you do, then. That is, if you have the space and time, fill it with your life's work not TeeVee or social media or other useless bullshit that doesn't leave any meaningful breadcrumbs to a life lived. If we are lucky enough to have the talent to create, we need to grasp passionately the opportunity to create.

Do your work when you can because the window is always closing. Use time wisely. But also make and keep and cherish and nurture connections. People connection. Real people you've met and touched and smelled and can recreate their voice in your head. It is the people in your life who validate and make living so worthwhile.

So, to balance: 1) take advantage of your opportunities to work, and 2) don't forget that you have friends. Let them know how you feel about them. Enjoy their work. Love them. Allow them to love you. And if you're really working hard on nurturing, make time to spend with them face-to-face like this:
But, be careful what you wish for, because you may get it. Just a guess.


P.S.  I know I haven't really responded to many Ask Ty... questions for a while. Perhaps I shall. I will try harder to answer your questions here.