Crabby Life Saver

Scene: At office, working, Thursday. 10:24 a.m.

Telephone: Brrrrring!

Ty: (annoyed and confused at the telephone for even ringing*) Hello?

ARC: (overly familiar) Hi, uh, can I speak to Ty?

Ty: (suspicious) Who is this?

ARC: (overly eager) Is this Ty?

Ty: (doubly suspicious) Who is this?

ARC: Uh, hi, I’m Mike form the American Red Cr…

Ty: (interrupting) You know, Mike, this calling me at work for my blood has to stop. I’m happy to donate, and feel it’s my duty of sorts but I want to do it on my own guilt-induced schedule. But these calls, I mean, sheesh?

ARC: We just want to alert you to coming blood drives.

Ty: Yeah, I know, but I have a business to run here. You are getting as bad as the telephone solicitors that used to bug the crap out of me at my home during dinner. I don’t really like dinner calls and I really don’t like calls at work that have nothing to do with work or, you know, just fun times. Did I check a box telling you guys to call me every three hours?

ARC: I’m really sorry….

Ty: (continuing) In fact, every time you call, I want to hold on to my blood a little bit more; to horde it all up. Maybe sell it to other organizations or just let it run freely into the streets. Or eat Mad Cow burgers or get tattoos or take heroin or something.

ARC: Thank you for your time, sir.

Telephone: Click.

*Usually it’s just fine for the telephone to ring, but the telephone system at work has been broken for about two months – at least my phone. If I don’t answer the phone by one-half ring, it transfers to voicemail. It just, on its own as far as I know, made this change itself. The kicker is, no one can seem to fix it. So, now when the telephone rings, I have to use my magic secret ninja powers to lunge at the receiver to answer. Problem is, I miss many more calls than I can catch (maybe catching every 1 in 4 now). So, when it’s not even a fun call, well, it’s just wasted time.