the Kingdom of Leisure

Tuesday

Piano Teacher & Spouse

Ask Ty...October 19 [823-Year Tea Bagger/Do Gooder Deathmatch Question]

It must be Tuesday, Middlespace Cadets, because I'm answering your questions

Q: Dear Ty,

Is there a correlation between being a Tea Bagger and believing that this is the first October in 823 years that has five Fridays, five Saturdays, and five Sundays?

I ask because the overwhelming preponderance of my "friends" who have reposted this fact on Facebook are Tea Baggers. (Yes, I have Tea Bagger friends.)

It doesn't seem to be a far stretch to believe that Tea Baggers believe whatever they read on the internet and lack the basic critical skills to evaluate the veracity of any given statement. Though perhaps the same could be said of Do Gooders.

Sincerely,

Someone Who Knows How to Operate a Calendar

PS - Any October that begins on a Friday has five Fridays, five Saturdays, and five Sundays. These come roughly every seven years (give or take for leap years).

Ty: Good question and an even better observation, Competent Calendar Operator. I hadn't heard about his one so I did some World Wide Web searching using the GoogleBing for the following phrase:

5 fridays saturdays oct

Of the 352,000,000 results that the Googlefinder found (in .27 seconds), I went ahead and selected the very first link. That very first link demonstrated to me conclusively that this 823 years stuff is complete nonsense. The last time this 5 Friday-5 Saturday-5 Sunday October thing happened was 2004. That's six years ago. In fact, this thing happens every six years, Competent Calendar Operator.

Math is math and six is not equal to 823. So what gives? And to move us closer to an answer to your question, Competent Calendar Operator, is there a correlation between Tea Baggers and the belief in this Internet shitbit (shitbit is a shitty tidbit; to call it a shitbit a "rumor" is to give a shitbit much more power than it deserves)?

Calendars are not necessarily a new thing. But, the emailings and the so-called "social media" are fairly new things. Everybody uses the interweb now so it's not about calendars, Competent Calendar Operator. What happens when you pair our fairly new and effective information distribution system (the interweb) with people who do are not critical enough to question information and not savvy enough to check facts (Tea Baggers)? You get all kinds of nonsense shitbits that float around for far longer than is either necessary or sensible. So, yes, there is a correlation as you suggested.

This very example is why you get persistent shitbits with regard to the President (Muslim, foreigner, socialist, murderer, cannibal, closet D&D master, etc.). This very example is why the Tea Baggers have absolutely zero credibility with me as a viable political, social, or cultural movement.

You already answered this question though, Competent Calendar Operator:

"It doesn't seem to be a far stretch to believe that Tea Baggers believe whatever they read on the internet and lack the basic critical skills to evaluate the veracity of any given statement. Though perhaps the same could be said of Do Gooders."

Right! To touch upon the Do Gooders (what Grayman calls "Hippies") for a moment. They are JUST AS BAD as the Tea Baggers. Perhaps they are worse because they generally have greater intellectual capacity and should be able to think how coarse and shrill they've become.

Where the Tea Baggers are basically fighting for some self-proclaimed "American rights" (middle age white people feeling painted into corners), the Do Gooders are persistently and annoyingly telling everybody how to live their lives. The last thing anyone needs is a fat, hairy, sweaty vegetarian telling people (with incisors) what to eat and what their damn carbon footprint equals; all dog allies to cat people and such. It is no wonder the Tea Baggers have nothing but disdain for Do Gooders [full disclosure: I have Do Gooder and Tea Bagger friends].

So the Tea Baggers are filling the world's bandwidth with mopetarded nonsense about end times and how they're actually not racists. People all marching around with misspelled signs calling for some strict adherence to a Constitution they've never, ever read.

Meanwhile, the Do Gooders are using a greatly disproportionate amount of coal-generated electricity whining about the Pacific gyre and fair trade coffee but doing nothing of substance to fix those problems (except for tweeting, right?). People all crying internet tears over the pigs but not the people who eat the bacon.

Nobody is looking past their own segregated playpens. Everyone is so afraid of their own shadows anymore. People are so worked-up and worried sick over shit they don't really care about or understand when they could just enjoy their damn short, short lives. Hence, Competent Calendar Operator, the Internet will fuel the ultimate death of the American empire. Mark my words, Kaczynski.

Want to fix this shit? Teach your kid math, science, and the Golden Rule.

Just a guess,

-ty

Monday

Manifesto 45, Or, Rolling with Punches

The development and life-cycle literature suggest that there are varying definitions of the onset of what is considered "middle age." The experts generally observe that middle age begins somewhere between 35 and 45 years of age (with some sources marking the blessed event starting at a wizened/ripened 65). Forty-five, for most purposes, is widely accepted as the onset of middle age.

Here's some knowledge I copied and pasted for context:

Middle age is the period of age beyond young adulthood but before the onset of old age.

Middle-aged adults often show visible signs of aging such as loss of skin elasticity and graying of the hair. Physical fitness usually wanes, 10-20 lb accumulation of body fat, reduction in aerobic performance and a decrease in maximal heart rate. Strength and flexibility also decrease throughout middle age. However, people age at different rates and there can be significant differences between individuals of the same age.

Both male and female fertility declines with advancing age. Advanced maternal age increases the risk of a child being born with some disorders such as Down syndrome. Advanced paternal age sharply increases the risk of miscarriage and many birth defects, including Down syndrome, schizophrenia, autism, decreased intellectual capacity, and bipolar disorder. Most women go through menopause, which ends natural fertility, in their late 40s or 50s.

In developed countries, yearly mortality begins to increase more noticeably from age 40 onwards, mainly due to age-related health problems such as heart disease and cancer. However, the majority of middle-age people in industrialized nations can expect to live into old age.

I stand before you and declare that I am now entering my middle age. How do you turggats like me now?

Photo by Beasley Korsakov

I really like my salt & pepper hair. My barber guessed my age as 35 and told me that I was one of the "lucky ones" as he nodded toward a balding man ten years my junior. While I'm not the fittest I've ever been, I'm definitely no fatty. I like that a lot. I have few wrinkles but I can see that the skin's going southward. I am developing pretty shitty eyesight and my ear hair is my newest OCD focus area. I'm sure my hearing has taken a beating after all these years but I'm pretty sound in the audio department. I still get producer gigs. Aches and pains take longer to heal but I can hold my own.

But blah-blah-blah with any sort of aging woes. That is not where this goes. That shit is for the soft of spirit and the weak of constitution. I'm not genetically or socially predisposed to that. This is grown-up territory. Pay attention, people!

Sure, 45 is here but I think that it is a very bad ass thing. I'm actually kind of proud of how this has turned out. I feel that I have earned a little experiential credibility by this juncture so I'm going to utilize that to its fullest. I've never seen aging as something to fear or fight. Aging is just a way to challenge how we reposition ourselves. Stick and move, stick and move, and protect your armor's chinks.

I am finally beginning to both understanding myself better and actually be comfortable in that space. It's taken a long time for that seedling to sprout. Here's what I realize today:

I am even more demanding of myself and others (if that's even possible). I'm certain this can drive many people crazy. But I also know that my closest friends are equally demanding of themselves and me. We just roll with these punches. It is, in part, what keeps us going. Probably explains why I have so few close friends.

I have become a very difficult audience. I crave entertainment and stimulation. But while I've lost the patience to criticize the poor or failed efforts of others (and I only teach for pay), I do enjoy doling out well-deserved praise. I do not think at this point in my life there is anyone who would say that I'm just "being nice" with a compliment. But I am as insatiable as I am bored.

I have opinions and I am way too easily suckered into giving them. I really have to work on time that waste of time bullshit.

I now predict things pretty damn well. I've long stated that I can see through knots. Now think I can sometimes predict how that knot will be tied before it's ever tied. I have some confidence.

I do understand that I am but another cliché. I've been called out for certain things by friend and foe. Many of those things I am well aware of since I invented them. I don't fight these allegations because I'm pretty certain that we are all stereotypes of something or another. Some of us are just better at dealing with this fact than others. Since people are pretty easy to categorize and classify, it becomes so totally refreshing, then, to sometimes just be completely wrong about a person or thing. It rules to have a negative or even a neutral read completely obliterated.

So, whatever. I've said more than I planned here...like some old geezer telling every and anyone in the barber shop who's going to win a fight.

To sum, I am the new old head in town so bring your A-game because I'm just not that impressed by shit anymore. And do not for a moment believe I will tolerate any JV-style whining. I might just pat you on your head and send you back to bed.