fucking angels in my head

the madness of the obvious

07.31.03



The production-consumption ratio

Still unsettled after all these decades

Intense weight on psyches

And fatigue on internal components



Dreams

As black as void

As white as all

As dead as nothing

As past as history



Since it is always fiction

Contrived since inception

To be feared when not ignored

Reality is the real god



True as truth

One-quarter of a beat ahead

With full commitment realized

Blissfully floating above human topography

07.31.03



what is whole is

contingent of personal glossary entries

if space is time



experienced through spot lighted

cargo holds of hurling humans

eastward-bound together coincidentally



mind’s eye memories of hallucinations

but beautiful symmetry nonetheless

perfect logic clearly communicated



yeah, I’m terrified too

but, unfortunately, this is what we left you

if you can remedy, please

07.31.03



Prolog:



Walking sticks for a modern age

Skateboard shoes to mark my rage

Undercover mainstream tax-paying yellow belly

Forgetting at all to remember my age



Body:



Taking for granted the walking and talking

I kiss the rig of gods and

Try to put aside speculation of

Variants of fate without much success



What would change?



Often I awake to new realities

In different places alone or

Trapped in the prisons of mind or body

Empathy to a degree of unbelievable proportions



A hot, persistent, dry wind

Under blue skies in places

Where our society has created

Drawers in which we can

Hide all that appears to be untidy



Epilog:



Steely persistence after all the tears

07.31.03



You cannot help what's in your nature

Ahh, jah Rasta man sing-song life

From Damascus to Kashmir

Will I become so wholly eccentric

and woefully low self-monitoring?



Consequences of vanity run amok

With no restraints tied to ego

Or class or career



Just as long as I remember

To wear pants on a daily basis

And remain mindful of clichés and

Refrain from singing aloud too often



Since it was all over even

Before it all began

My efforts can be relieved

Of the burden of giving

A rat’s ass

Minnesota Blue(s) 07.30-31.03



Dying

All inside going deeper now

Heros not what they used to be

Drooling wizards of the north star state

Trapped like visitors to new planets



Shopping

With heads buried in sands

Sanctioned by the president and the other Hitlers

My very worst enemy a codependent me

Wanting without the why-ing



Bleeding

All ideas opinions beliefs creativity

From my anus

When the toilets do not flush

And snacks are forbidden in this motel



Hiding

From the masses of truths

Of the reinvented American century

Only to awake alone and sweaty

And so fundamentally detached



Running

Concentric circles around the

Moon and the sun so red

Suicide and chronic depression are

Only theater for drama queens

God Bless Me?! 07.21.03



Is it not you

So young and impressionable

Supple and porous

Glaring at me with

That glazed one-yard stare?



Hypnotized with promises

Of eternal life

Wings, harps and visits with dearly departed grandma

Always absolutely right AND

Correct beyond debate



A mere child looking down

Your nose with pity

At what has to be

A heathen of the grandest scale

Me beyond belief

Untitled 06.23.03



Long ago I realized just how truly

Pathetic I am

We all are



I have been at the paramount JUST long enough

And JUST enough times that I know what I’m missing



It goes way back – to the day

Lives of self-censored lies



What is real happens to be real



Although I try to live I ultimately

Fail time and time again to fulfill potential



But now I no longer care

Deconstruction 06.23.03



When it starts to break down

It really snowballs from here

From outside outliers to the inner circles

of questionable deal making and promises broken

To that filthy coating of oils and sins

that tends to cover you from neck to knee



When it starts to break down

It really flows like lava with

relentless power and electricity

Pretensions balanced on delicate fulcrums

Played pop hits of the retro ages

I have become like the recipient of spewed venom



We bring me here for checks

And balances proves far from simple

Nothing is ever simple anymore

Even sleep proves elusive

I feel the effects of mileage



I have to be near the end of lines

Like water that appears to very flat

When all along it is so round

And endless

like nightmares

tonight

i saw

this year's

first

firefly