Rudolph Giuliani's campaign to become the 44th president of the United Sates of America didn't metaphorically poop its pants. Rodolph Giuliani's campaign was, metaphorically, said poop in said pants.From what I've seen, Rudolph William Louis "Rudy" Giuliani's campaign for president of these Untied States was probably one of the top-3 worst major campaigns I've witnessed in the past few cycles. Gore 2000 was worse. Kerry 2004 was worse but not worse than Gore 2000 (John RFD Kerry was just the world's worst candidate - ever).
"Rudy" was a terrible candidate and would have been a horrible president. But he's cooked now. So who's viably left on the right:
Michael Dale Huckabee - OK, I leave MikeDale in the viable category because my friend "Big Walt" declared him a "stone cold lock to be the next president." That was before the primaries; before people actually voted and such. MikeDale is probably not much of a "lock" anymore.As far as the Democrats are concerned, where do we start?
Willard Mitt Romney - "Willard" sounds a lot like "Wizard" (if you say it fast enough). And for alls I know, the Ku Klux Klan still employs wizards, so...Wizard Mittens is already in a deficit category to me. The Mitten Wizard is probably the only other true viable candidate for the GOP nomination though. And the Mormonism thing isn't his biggest problem. Trust me on this.
John Sidney McCain III - John "left on the roadside for dead just three months ago even by me" McCain - And, John Sidney III is indeed back from metaphorical death (although he's closest to actual death). I wonder what Carol Shepp or Chuck Keating have to say about our Straight Talkin' Maverick. If McCain wins he should name someone younger to be running mate; maybe Father Time.
Johnny Reid "John" Edwards - 248,575 Florida voters can't be wrong, right? By now we all know why Johnny Reid is staying in this race so I won't get into all that king/queen-maker nonsense. But, lets just say that li'l Johnny's run to win it all is dead and unrecoverable. He does, however, carry a huge and magical scepter. I wonder what he wants? I don't think VP would be such a good fit so what's left? A juicy cabinet position? United States Secretary of My Daddy was a Mill Worker, perhaps. Maybe Secretary of Two Americas. AG? Yeah, AG. Supreme Court? Naw, AG.So who's gonna win the presidential Super Bowl®? Dunno. Don't really care at this point. It's going to be a ridiculous ride.
You know, like Rudy, he should just drop out, endorse Obama and wait around for to be the next Attorney General.
Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton - Everybody is dumping buckets of puss on Hillary Diane for actually going to Florida despite the really, really stupid Democratic embargo. I mean, c'mon? The eventual nominee has to go back for the general. Florida, as we know, could/would/will figure importantly in the electoral count. If Hillary Diane gets the nomination she can waltz back smiling.
Barack Hussein Obama - If Barry Oh!® wins the nomination (I mean if Johnny Reid declares Barry Oh!® the next king) he as to completely suck up to Florida come fall. "Hi Florida. I know, I know. But it was Howard's call. I was just being a good Democrat establishment soldier and playing it as they called it. Hillary? Sheesh, she was just doing her own thing and being all radical and stuff. Anyway, I'm the nominee! Ted Kennedy endorsed me. Uh, change!" Oh Barry Brock!
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