The "O" Factor

"So there's been a lot written about why Obama won in Iowa and Clinton won in NH. I haven't read most of it because, like you, I'm over this election already.

But one thing I haven't seen written in amongst all the bullshit about crying and Chris Matthews and other unsatisfying non-explanations is this: Oprah didn't campaign in New Hampshire."

- Rickey Powell

Oh yeah, that election is still going on. I plum forgot. I thought it was all over in Iowa. My bad.

True, Oprah didn't campaign in New Hampshire; it's way too cold up there and there isn't an Arby's® in Keene, ya' know? And Barry Oh!® lost. Get 'em next time? Not so fast.

Because it doesn't really matter anymore because Team Oprah-Obama is so last month. Obama lost to Hillary Diane in New Hampshire and Oprah lost to Ellen DeGeneres just this week [Harris Poll: Ellen DeGeneres is New Favorite TV Personality as Oprah Slips to Number Two]. Elly D is America's very favorite TeeVee star. With regard to the Oprah-Obama pairing, I have just four words for you, Rickey: Yes. Ter. Day's. News. It's over, son! John "Reporting for Duty" Kerry endorsing the Barry Oh!® is just a nail in his political coffin [note: Nader has come out in favor of Johnny Edwards - Ha! What's next? Karl Rove endorsing Hillary Diane?].

You see, as we've all believed, Elly D is America's future. The semi-iconic rich white unfunny lesbian is the keystone of the New America, as are the single liberal Democrat women who love them (See: Table 2).

If Hillary Diane had any sense she'd get Ms. DeGeneres to hit the campaign circuit with her ASAP. I mean "Ellenary" should completely mirror the "Oprama" model (or that "CHUCKabee" thing) and hit the road to utilize all available momentum (or what Joe Lieberman calls, "JoeMentum").

In sum: Game Over! The pressing dilemma of the new century has been resolved. The whole gender-race thing? Over! "Ellenary" can now lay claim to America's hearts (or American hearts).

But I'm over it, yo.